Oversharing. Just don’t do it. Unless you’re my close friend, I don’t need to know that your smoothie gave you the runs all day. I don’t want to try to fake concern while you are cleaning my teeth. With your hands. Gloves or not, I don’t care to be reminded that my dental hygienist was recently wiping their butt. Especially when it involved diarrhea. Just no. NO.
I was just at the grocery store and the cashier was going through the whole rigamarole of small talk: “How’s your week going? Anything fun planned for this weekend? What are ya eating for dinner tonight? You gonna eat these Spaghettios?” Just say ‘hello’, alright? I hate awkward small talk.
I swear this chick only wanted to ask me how my day was so that she could unload on me. When I asked her how her day was, she said, “I started dry heaving last night”.
Full fucking stop.
Excuse me?
I wanted to just bail, to leave my Spaghettios and moscato and block of cheese right fucking there.
Do not touch things that will be going in or around my mouth while telling me about you dry heaving. DO NOT.
Why? Just why?
I think she continued barfing up her whole horrible story about how long she puked and what color it was, but I just tuned it out, hoping the ground would swallow me whole.
Newsflash for anyone not aware: NO ONE wants to hear details about your puking. Not no one.
Now, when it comes to my close friends, it’s different. Much, much different. I don’t care if you tell me about how your quinoa hasn’t digested and it keeps making reappearances, or how when you farted in your car, yesterday, you had to pull over and evacuate. No. I love these stories. It’s incredibly amusing to laugh at my friend’s misfortunes.
It’s just different.
I also hate when cashiers, or just crazy people, sitting by you in the DMV, confuse you for their therapist. I have enough stress and drama in my own life, I don’t need to know how Bubba screwed your cousin Tammy Lynn at your wedding reception at Dave & Buster’s. What are normal-leave-me-alone people supposed to say to that? When I have to respond, I usually deer-in-headlights- sputter, “Oh, my phone is ringing” and then run for the hills.
People, randoms don’t care as much as you delusionally think they do, hate to break it to you. If your response to, “How are you?” involves a story about bowel movements and/or incest, save it, mmkay?
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Rants, Ramblings, and Regrets
Preach! I have a personal pet peeve against waitstaff that sit down in the booth next to me when I’m getting ready to order. We’re not buds…back off!
Ugh that’s the worst!!!! I feel so uncomfortable when they do that!! And it’s so fake. I’d rather you just be a dick to me, personally!
I so get this. The details of people’s health, underwear and sometimes even sex lives seem to come to freely nowadays. People seem to think it’s like Facebook lol
Right?! It’s ridiculous!
It is. I don’t know why people are so open these days
I don’t either and I don’t like it 👎
We get this in HR too – I was just telling someone else this. It’s OK to just call off work and say “I’m sick.” I do NOT need to know what is oozing from where, nor the consistency, smell, and/or color. SICK IS A COMPLETE EXPLANATION.
Right?! That happened to me when I managed a small staff a few years ago. I REALLY do not need to know the details, people!! If you say you’re puking, that’s good enough for me!!!
I don’t even need that. Sick is good enough. Hang up and leave me alone. You don’t get a trophy for “best actress” with your call-in….
Hahahahahaha no kidding! I hear “sick” and I don’t even want to hear your mouth breathing into the phone. I’m always afraid their germs will just come right through the phone 😱😷
Hmm. Think you’re safe there but if they text you, the jig is up and you may as well go home.
True!!
I can completely relate! We get this in the hospital too. Someone would come in with ear pain and end up talking about finding their husband’s green handkerchief sticky and they distinctly remember he always the blue one when they sleep together. It’s sad but I CAN’T HELP YOU woman. :/
Gah!!!! That’s insane 😱😱😱😱 Why?! 😂
I don’t know what this means, but thank you (I think) 👍😂