I knew I would look fat. I mean, I would be wearing a one piece, with nowhere to hide. I knew I would look like an obese candy cane. I was prepared. It was part of the humor in wearing pajamas that 3 year-olds normally wear. But, nothing prepared me for what everyone was seeing from behind. Nothing.
The front view wasn’t so bad
And then we thought it would be cute to take a picture of our behinds, because that’s always cute. Good lawd, nothing prepared me for this:
I can’t even. My ass is huge. Huge. Not even sexy Kim-Kardashian-huge. Pregnant-Kim-huge. I mean, how come no one has never told me I had that trailing behind me? It’s terrifying. I think I might have an extra ass below my main ass. Can you see it? Meanwhile, my friend looks like Marilyn Monroe reincarnated.
I thought maybe it was just taken from a poor angle. Perhaps I wasn’t prepared. So, I tried again:
I didn’t get the sexy memo. In fact, I think I had an itch mid-picture. Notice how I’m not even turning my head around, in a sexy, “I know you’re looking” way, because I can’t. The girl on the left is a professional model, apparently. What a bitch.
Can you suck your butt in like your stomach? If so, I need to learn how.
I went home that night and drank an entire bottle of moscato, because sugar wine will help my cause. I might also have eaten the rest of the package of holiday Oreos (and by ‘the rest’ I mean almost the whole thing). Then, I realized that I didn’t buy footy pajamas to look sexy, but to be funny. I bought them to look ridiculous, then got upset when I was successful. That’s lame. So, I said, “fuck it”, and wore them again to the Ugly Sweater Wine Walk this past Saturday. I had a blast, Pregnant Kim Ass and all.
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Rants, Ramblings, and Regrets
you and this crew are beautiful…and them asses are fine…even yours…i know, i know only your opinion counts…but you’re wrong…just saying…here, check this link…THIS is BADDDDDD…http://marcianosmx.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/Marcianadas_158_121114-43.jpg
Y’all ROCK!!!! Merry Christmas!!! 🎄
Haha yesss. Onesies! Just blame it on the horizontal stripes. They always make me look bigger than I am, so I try to avoid them. Your onesie is pretty badass. And you look comfortable as hell. That girl on the left is definitely a bitch… people wearing onesies shouldn’t look like that. No fair.
I see a whole lot of ladies having a load of fun! Wish I was there, rocking my ass with you! I am jealous of those jammies, though I’d probably never take them off since I work from home. 🙂 Merry Christmas!
Oh, well they are made for you then!!!! It was fun ☺️
I LOVE your outfits and you do like you are having a blast. Go girls! You know that there are lots of cultures who revere a sumptuous rear-end. I have always wanted an ass. Even when I was fat, I had a flat bottom. I have rear envy…
HAHA!!! I’m a little more than sumptuous, but thank you!!!
In Egypt you would be very popular. They don’t fancy skinny chicks there…:)
That’s awesome! I don’t ever want to be a skinny girl, but I didn’t know my butt looked like that 😱😂
My own husband thinks my boobs and bum are too small. He likes something to grab onto…”)
Most men do 😉
I like it. But you made me LOL! 😄
☺️👍
Looks like you were having a whole lot of fun though, it always seems like picture that we don’t take ourselves look bad. I mean sometimes I even turn on my camera and scare myself because the front camera was on. XD
Oh man! The front facing camera is TERRIFYING when you aren’t prepared!!!
It’s always angled just below my chin(s)!
Gah! Me too!!!!! It’s terrifying!
“I think I had an itch mid-picture.” (dies) THIS IS MY LIFE IN PHOTOS.
We are our own worst critics….it’s like we selectively magnify when we know it’s us. I would never attempt a picture like this when I’m rocking my Cookie Monster fleece jammies. You are brave and beautiful. So there.
AWWW! You’re so sweet!!
Just honest. I know how I feel whenever I post a pic of myself, which I think has happened exactly twice. I’m all like GAAHHHH NO ONE NEEDS TO SEE THAT. But then the internet doesn’t break. Somehow. ???
“But then the Internet doesn’t break somehow” 😂😭😂😭😂
I think you look bloody fantastic! Love the onesie and you all look like you are having a great time 🙂
Thank you much!!! It was very fun (and quite comfortable-I’d like this to be my daily attire 😂)!
Lol. Would you rather not have one? I wish I had something back there. It all goes to my belly instead. :/ Forget the one in green. Ha ha. Her pajamas are ugly anyway!
LOL!!!!!!!! I guess I’m glad I have a booty!
Well what can a guy say to brighten your day?
I think you all look swell and we all know that the camera ALWAYS lies when taking pictures of people in candy cane outfits with horizontal stripes…. 😉
Hahaha yes, it was the horizontal stripes!! They lie!! Thank you!
Absolutely Cup Cakes!
I think the jammies look great! However that ugly brown purse…;)
😂😭😜
I’m glad you had the change of heart there at the end, because, yeah, you had a pajama party to be a goof. We’re all hardest on ourselves. I want to burn every picture of me ever taken. But sometimes, you just have to bite your finger and say, “it’s a messed up angle.” But I think you all look good.
Thanks, friend. I think initially, it was just a huge shock!!
No girl you look great! I’m nervous about tomorrow night. I’m planning on wearing RED leggings with my ugly sweater out in PUBLIC! AHHH I can do this!
You can do it!!!! It’s all gonna look great!!!
Thank you!
😊☺️
You look awesome, and you’re my freakin’ hero! I love that you rocked them out again! Sososo much! LOVE IT!
P.S. On a totally unrelated note, I just saw your copyright thingamajig at the bottom….”The content contained in this blog…….belongs to…..moi alone. Don’t be a dick.” BEST THINGAMAJIG EVER.
LOL! You like that? 😈😉 Thanks for your support, lady. It means the world to me!!!
Look. Look up. Right now. Do you see it?! It’s my FUCKING SOUL THAT JUST ESCAPED MY BODY BECAUSE I’M DEAD. 😂😂😂😂😂😱😱😱 Listen woman. 1- you got BACK and that’s a good thing. Pregnant Kim looks like an albino gorilla on ‘roids ok. You however? Class, sass, and ass. 2- that onesie is pure genius. I. LoVE.!!!! You had a blast! You’re the coolest thing ever.
Baby got back (where is the booty emoji???)! Thank you lady 😘😘
I honestly think you look fine 🙂
Thank you!! ☺️
Idk, I think your butt looks pretty good.