For this week’s #fbf, I decided to re-post my Cup O’ Crack craziness. Currently, I’m on spring break and steadily eating my way to This-Isn’t-Even-Funny-Anymore-Get-a-Grip town. On my way home from brunch yesterday, I almost stopped at the store to get the ingredients for Cup O’ Crack. Thinking it wasn’t wise to have more than one serving of Cup O’ Crack in the house, I got a king-sized Reese’s and a bag of BBQ sunflower seeds. When I got home, I ate my loot, fell asleep on the couch, and woke up an hour later to sunflower seed shells everywhere. EVERYWHERE. I can’t even right now. So, how about I just wrap this up and get on with it…
When I’m stressed, worried, tired, happy, celebrating, mourning, or basically, whenever I’m breathing, I eat. I eat in a big way. I’m not proud of this, but it is what it is. Until I figure out how to separate my emotions from food, I’ll continue digging into a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Peanut Buttah Core after a shitty day.
Sidebar: If you like peanut butter, you must go, right now, and buy this. I’m not shitting you. Slap on your wrinkly jeans, get your coat, car keys, and get your ass to 7-11. It’s that good.
So, I’ve recently taken to enjoying nightly, almost-instant microwaved marshmallow heaven, and its mind blowing.
Let me tell you just how fucking fat I am.
Are you ready?
OK, I pour enough mini marshmallows to fill a large mug about halfway. Then, I get my Chex Mix ready (I’ve thought about using something far tastier, like Fruity Pebbles, but those would most assuredly send me into a diabetic coma. So, I go with the healthier, smarter, er…least ridiculous option of plain corn cereal).
Pro tip: Only microwave the marshmallows for about 30 seconds. Any more than that and you will have a sticky, gooey explosion of epic proportions. Then, your boyfriend will attempt to microwave his leftovers and there will be an altercation. Apparently, marshmallow and spaghetti don’t pair well.
Once the sweet, sugary, pillowy clouds of fluff are nicely melted, I pour in about a 1/2 cup of Chex Mix and mix carefully. Gotta get those little tasteless shits covered in goodness.
Then, I eat that shit.
It’s sticky, sweet, crunchy, warm, satisfying. It satiates Martha*.
Oh, didn’t I tell you I’ve named my stomach fat? Her name is Martha. The fucking bitch.
When I’m eating this Cup O’ Crack, I’m in another world. I’m riding technicolor stripper boot-wearing unicorns. The sky is dotted with cupcake clouds and cotton candy snow floats down around me.
No, that’s crazy.
I’m actually sitting on the couch in my stretched out skull-print pajama pants, watching Drop Dead Diva, with marshmallow strings hanging from my chin.
Such a glamorous life I lead.
Jealous?
*Apparently, my fat used to be called Martha. I must have forgotten I’d already named her. Eh. Martha…Bertha…pretty much the same name.
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Rants, Ramblings, and Regrets
Sweet crack 😄. I know what you mean about emotional eating; I am battling with mine as well. Actually wrote a post on this issue .
I will have to find your post! It’s a real pain to be an emotional eater 😬😑😕
The picture xD
😂
I used to be an emotional eater – carbs, carbs, carbs – but now my weakness is liquid carbs in the form of alcohol… This is probably why I have a little mini-muffin top despite being slim (and bra slippage). I think I will name mine Rachael. 🙂
I love Rachael! It’s not as “big” as Martha. It denotes a more svelte persona!
I love naming ridiculous things (like tummy fat) so thank you for the laugh!
😂👍
I busted out laughing at the “Then, I eat that shit.” I literally pictured you excitedly standing in front of the microwave fist-pumping when the timer went off. I gotta say, it sounds yummy. I’ve been an emotional/stress eater, too. That’s why I’m now a runner. Not because I want to train for marathons, or look great in my yoga pants. It’s just so I can continue stuffing my face with boneless wings and cake. It’s worth it.
Hehehee!! I need to get back into running, or Zumba, or ANYTHING!
I kind of want to know what it tastes like with cocoa pebbles. You’re such a bad influence!
OH MAN!!! That would be so GOOD 😍☺️
ohmygosh, gimme it
😍😈
The images in my mind… you glamour girl! lol
Lol!!!!!!!!!!
YOU’RE MY HERO! I’m totally coming over, and we’re gonna lounge around and make fun of ourselves and the whole fucking world while consuming cup after cup o’ crack. Then we’ll regret it and do something healthy like only share ONE bottle of wine. 😀
Seriously, that sounds like the BEST.PLAN.EVER ☺️😍😃
I just love the way you write. It is so good. You really need to do more. MUCH more!!
Maybe it would keep you occupied and away from the sugar crack you have overloaded on just to please Martha.
The bitch.
Hahahahahahahahahahaha!! That Martha!! Thank you so much ☺️😊
What is she like!!
OK, first of all, you need a bigger cup. OR A BOWL. Two, you need to be putting peanut butter in that shiz. YOU’RE WELCOME. Three, hazelnut core and salted caramel core are my secret lovers. When I’m cheating on popcorn, ya know.
Hahahahaha! If I had a bigger cup, I’d eat the whole bag of marshmallows in one damn sitting! Also, I’ve never had the hazelnut kind! Say what?!!
GO NOW. TARGET IS OPEN UNTIL 11.
HAHA! I’m eating muddy buddies at the moment 😍
There’s a recipe that used to be a staple at family gatherings. Puppy Chow. http://allrecipes.com/recipe/15820/puppy-chow/ I can’t make it because it turns my mouth into a black hole and sucks that batch clean out of existence.
Puppy Chow = Muddy Buddies 😍👍
I am playing catch up on my commute to work this morning and totally just gave you a mental high five. You’re awesome and I LAUGH like a fucking idiot in my car as people stare at my huge teeth. It’s worth it.
Gahahahahahaha!!!!! Your huge teeth! I got an awesome mental image with that one! 😂😭
You made me think of my affair with my cereal. How I miss them. I eat oatmeal now. It’s like going from a hot supermodel to an old street hooker. I shall name my belly fat Lola .
LOL!!! Yes! Spot on analogy! Lola sounds lovely 😂😜😍
I’ve never heard of ANY of these foods. Well,most of them. Must be Yank stuff. I’m obviously missing out. Have some more for me 🙂
You’ve never heard of anything in my post?? Ben & Jerry’s?!
Bahahaha I LOVE your FBF posts, because I get exposed to comedic gems like this that I missed the first time around!!! That sounds SO yummy!!
LOL!! I was wondering who wasn’t following me at that point and would be first introduced today to Cup O’ Crack! It’s SO GOOD! Also, very diabetic-inducing!
Ben & Jerrys is the best! My fave is Cherry Garcia. 😊
Mmmm yes!! That’s one of my top 5!!
Omnomnomnom… that looks good… and half a mug of mini marshmallows sounds about standard. I mean, that’s the measurement I use for my hot chocolate, soooo… I could make this no probs LOL
LOL! It was always so sweet, I could literally feel my veins hardening!
I often refer to Food Baby Herbert. Maybe he and Martha should get set up on a blind date. BECAUSE THAT ISN’T EVEN MILDLY CREEPY IS IT.
Martha and Herbert! Sounds like a love story in the making 😂😂😂😂
A series of kids’ books. Martha and Herbert go to the fair. Martha and Herbert get a colonoscopy. Martha Drinks Because Herbert Is Emotionally Unavailable.
WINNING
YES!!!!! 😂😂😂😂😂 Martha and Herbert Try Weight Watchers. Martha and Herbert: The Cheating Scandal at the Buffet
We just need an illustrator and we’re GOLDEN.
Know anybody?
There are a few bloggers who could do it I bet!
I bet so!! I’m pretty sure there is a blogger I’ve seen who even has a book of their illustrations. I can’t remember who it is, though…
Oh God!!! Martha!!! 😂😂😂 I think we all have a Martha….
LOL!!!! 😂😂😂😂
Remind me to get you my recipe for Who Hash this Christmas: it’s similar, but I add M&M’s and pretzels and melted white chocolate… because law enforcement has failed utterly in their attempts to stop me from adding white chocolate to everything.
OMG!! That sounds amazing 😍😍😍
If I were less lazy, I would totally illustrate this post for you. Technicolor stripper boot-wearing unicorns? Yes.
YES!!!! An illustration of this craziness would be amazing!