Don't Be a Debbie Downer 

Blog comments-I live and breathe by them. I mean, my life would obviously go on, and I’d figure out how to get oxygen the good, old fashioned way if I suddenly didn’t have WordPress. But, no shit, my day is made exponentially better when I see a slew of love waiting for me to read in my WordPress app. 
That is, unless it’s an unnecessarily rude/bitchy/salty/passive aggressive comment. 
Those aren’t my favorite. 
Way back when I first started putting my ridiculous thoughts out *there* for God and everybody to read and critique, I was scared out of my ever-loving-mind. 
What if my humor doesn’t translate well to others?
What if my use of the word “fuck” offends the  majority of those who attempt to relate to me?
What if the only person who thinks I’m funny is me?
What if what I write about is too TMI, and the people in my life start regarding me as a loud, unfunny, crass imbecile? 
These were very real concerns. 
The response over the years, however, has been incredible.
Somedays, I don’t even believe that I’m able to put together some words and those words mean something to others.
Somedays, I have to check to make sure it’s me who’s getting the laughs about unfortunate yoga flatulence and insane vacation fails. 
The love has been real, immense, and supportive. 
Except, when it hasn’t. 
There’s always gotta be that person. You know who I mean: 
The guy who has to ruin the good time with their overly concerned beliefs or their inability to get a joke, even when it slaps them in their dopey face. 
Only very recently have I had run-ins with some haters making their presence known on my blog. 
I’ve always heard or read stories about relentless haters from other blogs and bloggers. To be honest, I only half believed that someone was being harassed by strangers over their content, language, or grammar usage. 
Really? Does that *really* happen? (There’d always be an eye roll, too, for good measure.)
Well, I’m just a little late to the game, ya’ll.
Yes, people actually take time out of their day to comment on minor grammatical errors.
Yes, people actually miss the entire main idea of a post and then make their disdain of a tiny kernel of an idea known in your comment section. 
Yes, people actually make it a point to sound as bitchy and passive aggressive as possible when commenting on a harmless subject, like book suggestions. 
I can’t even.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m always first in line to spread some bitter all over the comment section of dumb articles or videos on social media. I have too big of a mouth to not. 
And, I’d be lying if I said I was never tempted to comment on terrible grammar or topic choices when reading blog posts. 
But, here’s the difference between myself and your average Comment Creep: 
I understand that blog posts are off limits in regards to unhelpful, just plain salty opinions.
A Facebook post took seconds, and likely, very little thought. Yet, a blog post, almost certainly, took hours/days/weeks, tons of creative energy, and a shit ton of guts to post. 
I feel pretty confident that fellow bloggers understand this code of conduct, but the “others” obviously don’t.
I know excuses for constructive criticism might come up. My opinion on “helpful” suggestions is that they aren’t welcome unless specifically asked for by the author/blogger. 
Also, respectful dialogue and discourse on a topic that is controversial is fine. There’s nothing better than having a lively discussion with someone who believes differently than you do. 
I’m strictly speaking of rude-ass comments that make you feel stabby, yet, instantly self-conscious. 
The.worst. 
So, here’s where I need your help.
What do you do when you come across a rude comment? Do you delete it? Do you ignore it/not approve it? Do you comment back? Do you dust off your voodoo doll? 
How do you deal with Debbie Downers? Let me know in the comments! 

77 thoughts on “Don't Be a Debbie Downer ”

  1. I have been lucky in that I haven’t come across any really bad comments yet, but I am sure it is only a matter of time. Sadly, some people seem to get a kick out of bring others down, belittling them or just generally being horrible. I know many bloggers who have encountered these people advise to ignore them, not to engage with them on any level. I think I would delete the comment as well as these people do not deserve any kind of acknowledgement!
    I have only recently come across your blog, but I love your sense of humour! Keep on being you and sod the haters!

  2. I used to feel compelled to acknowledge and address the comments as part of a policy of transparency. After a few ugly ones attacked other commenters, I simply don’t allow them. 🙂

    1. That’s EXACTLY how I felt about negative comments. I would approve and then diplomatically as possible, respond. Of course, my usual snark shined through. But, same as you, I wanted to remain transparent. But, NO MORE!

  3. Man. I haven’t had any dicks like that YET but believe me, they will COME I am convinced. The fact is, I’m also a TMI, “Wait. What the fuck did she just a say?” type of “writer” and I kind of cringe a little when you mention holding back on poor topic choice because I’m certain, every. Single. Choice. That I make on this blog- is frowned upon by more respectable writers. To make matters worse- a negative comment would literally ruin my life just enough to probably discourage me from writing with confidence. Debbie Downers could ruin my life. I totally get you. I’d hate to let that type of bullshit affect me but the honest truth is that it would! lol I’d probably delete my blog. I’m kidding. I would not approve it and THEN dust off Vicky. My voodoo doll. 🤓🤷🏻‍♀️💁🏻

    1. Girl, you do YOU! I love your writing and your TMI type of content. It’s real and it’s YOU. That’s the whole point of my post, it’s your blog, thus you can write about anything you want. If someone doesn’t like it, they can move on. I get how damaging negative comments could be. Had I received any negative feedback when I first started, I probably wouldn’t be where I am right now! That’s how impactful people’s words can be!!!!!

  4. I’ve only had a few in the couple of years I’ve been here, and my response was the same: fuck off and buh-bye. Don’t engage, don’t debate, and sure as hell don’t apologize. If one doesn’t like a post, then one should simply not press like and move on. The ones who come with hate are just looking for a flame. Fuck off seems to get rid of them. 😃

  5. I must say I haven’t had that horrid experience. I’d wield my moderator sword and not approve. There is no space on my blog for naysayers and critics – unless it’s constructive and respectfully worded.Then I would welcome discussion about differing points of view.

    1. Exactly. If it’s done respectfully, then fine. But even then, I feel like if the constructive feedback isn’t related to the post, but to wording, grammar, etc. it’s unnecessary and rude!

  6. I think some people feed on conflict and anger. I personally think that if you don’t give them what they want – attention – they will eventually go away. I’d just delete the comments and move on! You are hilarious, and an excellent writer. If those people don’t get your humour, it’s their loss!

  7. Polite Suggestions – I approve comment and reply with a little opinion then thank you
    Petty – I approve comment, reply nicely but with sarcasm😄… You get tagged but a proper comment next time gets you off the black book radar.
    Down right rude and extremely petty- I do not approve, you get tagged and I just move on… A proper comment next time definitely confirms you’re human so you get untagged.
    I never get extremely rude comments so that means I have very civil readers…Again, I do not think i will exchange words online with anyone. It’s always best to ignore and move on..loved reading this

  8. There has only ever two maybe three people in my whole blogging time that have caused me to be all “did you seriously just say that?!” One wasn’t even a comment, it was after knowing for her about 3 months, she interviewed me for her blog, it was up for about two weeks and then it was down, she no longer followed me and that was it. No further communication. BUT the other two: one was just a one-time comment and it needed approval to be posted on my blog and I just deleted it. It was filled with so much foul language and hatred in literally two sentences. I didn’t respond at all. The other comments randomly on my blog, always picking up that *tiny* half a kernel sized thing from a post and making it into a huge deal. Those I literally just ignore and think to myself “ugh…whatever lady…” and move on.

    1. I remember that happening to you (the interview thing). SO FREAKING WEIRD! Yeah, if it’s a new person, I have to approve the comment. I have it set that comments by regulars are approved automatically. Sadly, I’m thinking of changing that. Great suggestions!

          1. But if all else fails and you can’t be nice, be devastating *evil laugh* You need the picture of cupcakes that says “I call them Shut the Fuckupcakes” and just attach it to all the not nice comments lol

  9. I have been mostly lucky. If they point out some stupid spelling or grammar mistake, I make a joke about posting without adequate caffeine and move on. Sometimes I fix the mistake without comment so later readers can be like wtf you talking about. Lol

  10. Sonofabeach96 sums up my feelings exactly. I am amazed at some peoples’ need to spread their negativity. If they don’t like something I’ve written, they shouldn’t click “like.” They have the option to just scroll on. And if I’ve really their sensibilities, unfollow me for Christ’s sake. How hard is that??
    Sorry you’ve had to deal with these ass-hats. I haven’t had any… yet. I guess that’s how I’ll know when I’ve really “made it!”

  11. I have a friend who used to edit their comment to make it positive or funny, and then added a note saying it was “edited with love.” Occasionally she’d do a post with the best of them. I always liked that. I’ve been lucky so far, and haven’t had to deal with it, but it’s a reality few of us can avoid for long.

  12. I have yet to experience the asshattery of trolling on the T&T – but I suppose it’s only a matter of time before I’m visited by a dick….(the bad kind, that is… 😀 )
    I have dealt with ’em on facebook, however – and I usually banter about, attempting to fuck with their minds before I get bored and lock the comment thread.

  13. Whaaaa!? Who and why would anyone be rude to you? You’re too funny. They should be scared that you’d chew them out in a hilarious way!
    I didn’t have any mean comments yet, although I probably would have more if people knew about all my intersectional feminist views! I suppose that is a plus point about writing about walks – there isn’t much scope for controversy!
    I am super curious, what kind of dick-thing did they attempt to post?

    1. Yeah, I can’t see how people could possibly disagree or find fault in your gorgeous photos and informative walk posts!
      Well, just commenting on my brand of “potty humor” and questioning some of the things I’ve written about in my stories posts.

  14. “Stabby, yet, instantly self-conscious.” Perfect description. Love it. I’ve had one semi-rude comment, and it may or may not have been meant that way, but I responded a bit snarkily. (Why is this saying snarkily is not a word?) Had it been overtly rude, I probably would ignore it– I don’t want to start any fights in my comments. Well, I say that, but I don’t know if I could resist, depending on the content.
    Sorry, there’s no real answer here! Ha!

  15. I’ve had a couple nasty ones. I got this one a few weeks ago “Are you so desperate for views you Unfunny bitch? Seriously, I rolled my eyes so hard at your pathetic attempt to make lame ass jokes” who are these people? This was on “my favorite beauty products” post Like…..how does this person get through the day? Are they screaming at road signs for 2 for 1 squash? I just assume they must be if they are triggered by masacara reviews lol
    http://www.damngirlgetyourshittogether.com/

  16. I’ve had a mixed experience with haters.
    The only negative comment I’ve received thus far was deleted because it was just a line of snark; nothing else. No argument, no criticism, no complaint. I don’t have time for that.
    But I did have an experience where a colleague started perusing my FB postings rather closely. My typical FB post at the time were school related anecdotes where – more often than not – I made fun of myself (or something I’d done or said). No names; no descriptions. Some of the stories were taken out of time – i.e., implying that an incident occurred today, when it actually happened a year ago. All harmless, I thought. Nope – my colleague threatened to have me brought up for disciplinary actions unless I removed the posts. Claimed that they violated various privacy acts (they didn’t – I used to work with privacy guidelines, so I know what crosses the line), and that they made the school “look bad.” Uh, okay.
    From a communications perspective, that was devastating, and it affected my enthusiasm for something I’d begun to enjoy. That incident effectively killed FB for me, because while I’m convinced that I did nothing wrong, it’s just not worth the fight. And the experience left me paranoid to the point that I effectively removed almost half of my blog posts.
    So seriously – don’t let the haters get into your head like I did. You’re a funny and insightful writer and I, for one, am loving your page!

    1. OMG! That’s a total nightmare for a teacher. Why would a colleague feel the need to do that to a fellow “brother in arms”? That actually makes me really mad they did that to you. Teaching is hard enough as is WITHOUT your colleagues stabbing you in the back. What a terrible person. I hope you find your enthusiasm for that outlet again. Thank you for your kind words!!

  17. I think the best way is to either ignore or edit the comment (with love of course) as mentioned before. My only problem with this post is the use of my name ‘Debbie’ ‘Downer’ in the same sentence – sorry I know it’s not all about me but I couldn’t resist!! 😂😂😂😂 I love your posts too 😊

  18. I’m so new to telling my stories (I don’t think of myself as a blogger yet because I’m still learning) that I haven’t thought about negative comments. I’ve read what everyone here has said and I’ll try to remember their advise if I ever have enough followers to get that once in a while negative comment.
    I love your blog and don’t see how anyone could have a problem with your writing. I love your sense of humor, your way with words and you make me laugh. This is from a woman who’s family says she doesn’t have a sense of humor. Please keep writing.

  19. To me, having a Debbie Downer is how you know you’ve made it to the Big Time. I’m not there yet. But my 10 year old son made it on YouTube for one of his Lego creation videos 🙂

      1. He’s received several very nasty comments via YouTube. I taught him to delete them and not respond. He understands that it’s just people being mean for no reason and the best response is no response. He adds a “disclaimer” in his descriptions now that he’ll delete any negative comments.

  20. I can’t wait to get some negative feedback. I’m barely getting feedback as it is with my new blog, but I know what you mean. Each little comment is like a little birthday present. Here’s to many many more.

  21. I just don’t approve the comment and possibly trash it. By the way, I took my first yin yoga class last week and experienced that unfortunate yoga flatulence. What does one say?

  22. Sooo glad of this! I’m brand spanking new to blogging and actually posted my first by accident and before I had chance to stop it people had already liked it! I honestly think I’d have backed out if I didn’t. Fear of being trolled! Fear of missing the funny, fear of over sharing! Just what I needed to read. Thank you! 😊

Leave a Reply