You know how when you have a really stressful, crappy day the only thing that will make it better is massive quantities of carbs and a good angry conversation with yourself in the car on the way home?
Well, when you’re on a “diet” and all you have at lunch that even halfway resembles cake is an avocado (and it’s not even close to car convo time), that shit’ll do.
I brought an avocado for lunch with the intention of cutting it up and adding a few pieces to my Mexican-style salad.
After a morning where positively everything went wrong and after hearing some not-so-happy news, my emotions were conflicted and I was HANGRY.AF.
I almost forgot I even brought that damn avocado and didn’t recall my salad’s one saving grace until I had already choked down my plain lettuce and farty black beans.
I also forgot the butter knife I meant to take so I could cut said avocado.
It was almost animalistic what happened next.
I needed that avocado and not a few measly I-have-self-control-look-at me pieces.
I took the end of my fork and I just mauled that avocado like a savage until the skin was ripped to shreds and I could start inhaling the poop green goodness.
I sat and angry ate an entire fucking avocado.
And, it was a big boy, too.
Even when I bring healthy food options, I end up figuring out a way to royally fuck it up.
I need help.
Have you ever eaten a whole avocado in one sitting? Maybe I’m impressed/shocked/disgusted over something that’s not even a big deal. If not an avocado, have you ever eaten an entire *something* and then immediately felt like a fat bastard?
I need to know.
The Avocado Incident
I’ve eaten a whole avocado and loved it until I realised the calories. I felt duped! I’ve also eaten an entire bar of the Reeses “giant” chocolate bar, which isn’t exactly giant but it’s certainly not calorie free. No hame felt there. Then there’s PB & Co’s Mighty Maple peanut butter which is like crack to me, and I devoured 75% of the jar in one sitting. Only because I’d eaten the other 25% the previous day and I gave up try to fight my cravings 😂
Peanut butter is my ultimate downfall, so I get it!! I made apple dip which consisted of a cup of plain Greek yogurt, 1/2 cup PB and a crap ton of honey. It was like PB frosting. I ate it ALLLLLL in one sitting. With a spoon.
And no shame should be felt!!
EXACTLY!
Yes, I have eaten an entire everything…..on many occasions. Not proud about it, but do it on a pretty regular basis I am afraid. Even if I learn the language here in Germany, the one thing that will point out my Americanness is my ability to eat a full bag of chips, and entire bag of candy, or the whole cake if you let me…the list goes on.
Do they not do that in Germany?? 😮
Well, of course there are a few that overindulge, but I feel like I am surrounded by fitness champions everywhere I go here.
Oh man. I do know that Europeans have an entirely different relationship with food than us Americans.
Well……first off, I almost peed my pants laughing so hard at your words …. which could easily have been mine……especially the “angry conversation with yourself in the car on the way home”…..lol….I do this ALL. THE. TIME….lol. Secondly, I actually packed an entire avocado for my lunch today, along with a heinous little “pouch” of salmon. And yes, I was planning on eating the whole darn thing. Otherwise the rest would turn brown! Plus, I guess I’m just a pig, …apparently. Thanks once again for the morning “belly laugh”!!! 🙂
EXACTLY! Had I cut it up prior, it would have turned brown!! Every single day I have an angry conversation with myself on the way home 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I have eaten an entire Avo…quite often actually! At least it wasn’t an entire triple chocolate sponge cake or an entire box of Tunnocks Tea Cakes! You did good in my opinion 🙂
I hope the days following were much less shitty!
OMGGG Tunnock’s Tea Cakes!!!! DROOLING
Yup! Box of crackers, cookies, store bought pastries, chips. I cannot have that stuff in the house. Zero self control right here. Hey at least it was a healthy food, don’t be so hard on yourself my friend. Not sure what your not so good news was but hope things sort themselves out, hang in there.
I can’t have any of that in the house either!!!!! Thanks, friend!
Same here……a “goodie-less” house for me too, sadly…
Yup. My boyfriend is a huge sweet freak and he’ll bring in large bags of candy. It’s a very conflicting feeling when this happens because I want to simultaneously kiss and club him 😂
Thank god it’s the good fat. I finally found an eating plan that is working and I eat avocado a lot. I especially like mauling it and finding it in my hair later. Pain in the ass. Best of luck!
Are you Keto or Paleo? I do Keto myself and have an avocado EVERY.SINGLE.DAY
“Finding it in my hair later” 😂😂😂😂 AWESOME! What eating plan is working?? I need to know!
Well, not an avocado, no. But ice cream. And cookies. Oh, and a bag of M&M’s or two. Avocado has to be better than those kinds of indulgences… May the days be better! And always, we just begin again…
Your indulgences are FAR tastier than my entire avocado!
I’ll often purchase a takeout dinner at a Gourmet Deli–intending to eat it at home. Most of the time, I’ll eat that meal right in my car. It never makes it to my kitchen.
YEESSSSS! That’s winning 😂😉
I eat a whole avocado in one sitting ALL THE TIME! There are tons of calories but it’s also got all the good acids or fats or whatever that are actually good for you so go ahead and eat that whole thing! YUM! I don’t know how people can control themselves and only eat a few pieces. But then I get asked all the time how I can “only eat” 2 oreos and walk away from the bag…
LOL!! In my Weight Watchers app 1/4 is 3 points! So, an entire avocado is 12 freaking points! That’s almost HALF of my daily allotted points!! So, to me, that was NAUGHTY 😂😂
Ooohhhhssss dang that sucks!! Aren’t fruits and veggies zero points with WW? Lol
Except avocados 😫😫😫😫😫
Sooooo lame!!!
👎🏻👎🏻
I frequently eat an entire avo in one sitting. Usually sprinkled with Chili Lime spice blend. smiles.
But I’m Keto and that kind of thing is smiled upon there. LOL
Yeah, for keto ROCK ON. Weight Watchers is like, “OH, HELL NO” 😂😂
lol. if avo makes you happy, change your diet.
But, carbs make me more happy 😫😫😫😫😫
That’s the best mental image, OMG! I’m dying! I’ve never been able to eat an entire avocado in one sitting–at least not plain. I’ve eaten an entire mashed avocado (not guacamole, which has other stuff in it) ON things, like tacos or burgers. But, never just peeled and ate an avocado.
I did eat an entire box of Girl Scout cookies at work, once. One of my coworker’s niece or cousin or whatever was selling them, so we could order in the office and she’d bring them in the next day. I’m the WORST over Girl Scout cookies. I buy them in sets. I never just get a box of cookies. I need to get at least one box of everything I like because I can’t choose, and always two boxes of Thin Mints because my ex always inhaled those and I DON’T SHARE MY COOKIES. Anyway, so, I’d bought, like, six boxes of cookies, and decided to have a few. I opened it up and set it on my desk and just started mindlessly snacking while I worked.
Now, most people probably think, “Oh, that’s not THAT big of a deal. So, you ate a box of cookies over a workday. A little much, but not gluttonous.” No. You don’t understand. I was like a robot, just one cookie after another. It only took me about eight minutes to polish off a whole box of Samoas (I know this, because she delivered the cookies when she came in at 9:00am and I tore into them immediately and when I looked at the clock it was 9:08am–yea, this wasn’t even lunch time). There are fifteen cookies in a box of Samoas. That’s one cookie every thirty-two seconds.
At least what you ate was mildly healthy. I gained two pounds in less than ten minutes.
I’M DYING!!! OMG! You’re my freaking hero!! This exact thing is why I can’t even buy Girl Scout cookies 😫😫
At the time, I shared an office with two other girls (one of whom was my direct supervisor) and I can’t believe they weren’t just like, “Jeez! Slow the fuck down!” But, I ate them so fast, they probably didn’t even notice. XD
The worst part is finding the Keebler duplicates. Like the Grasshoppers? HOLY SHIT I WILL INHALE BAG AFTER BAG OF THOSE BASTARDS! At least Girl Scouts only come around for a couple weeks a year. Then Keebler’s like, “Nah, you should be a fatass EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK.” Fuckers.
😂😂😂😂😂 Yeah, they probably didn’t even see you, you were so quick with cramming ’em in!
I legit can’t even walk down the cookie aisle after a bad day or when I’m PMSing, etc. The temptation and lack of control is too great.
I have eaten all the things all the time, especially avocados. My husband is allergic to them and gets angry when I eat them because I’m flaunting the avocado goodness in front of him, so I scarf it down in one sitting as fast as I can, but only to spare his feelings of course.
Of course just to spare his feelings 😏😂😜
Easy peasy with a bit of lime squeezy! I can make avocados disappear so fast you’d think I’d had inhaled it. Jaffa cakes (do you have Jaffa cakes! Sponge rounds covered with orange jelly and then a chocolate top) they come in boxes of 20 – obviously that’s my portion – everyone else take a step back
We don’t have Jaffa cakes here, but I have had them and I can understand why an entire box is a personal portion 😂😋😋
I’ve not eaten a while avocado but whole can of pringles, whole tub of Ice cream, whole giant bar of chocolate… I’d rather it had been a whole avocado!
Mmmmm yes!!! PRINGLES! And, I’ve totally inhaled an entire Ben & Jerry’s pint of ice cream 😋😋😍😍😍
Like minded!!!
❤️
Mmmmm! I’m actually eating Pringles right this second! I’ve totally inhaled an entire pint of Ben & Jerry’s 😍😋
🤣
First, I’m choking I’m laughing so hard. Second, I’ve never just sat down and ate a whole avocado… but I’ve used a whole avocado on meal before. Kinda the same thing, right?
lol!!! Well, I think you did better than me adding it to an actual meal 😂
Yes. I have eaten ALL THE THINGS in one sitting. If I want to be healthy, I ONLY eat a whole avocado. For me, that’s self-control on a good day. I mean, it’s a fruit, after all. So I’m not judging you in the slightest. Plus, you suffered through a salad, which I’m pretty sure negates any calories in an avocado. That’s how science works, right?
TOTALLY how science works! 👍🏻👍🏻
I’ve eaten an entire bag of Humpty Dumpty dill pickle potato chips. More than once. When I’m done, all my taste buds are gone, because I lick all the seasoning off each chip before I eat it and I don’t regret it at all.
BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Hilarious! You can’t taste anything else for days, but WORTH IT 😂😂😂❤️👍🏻
You’re fine. As binges go, you’re just splashin’ around in the shallow end of the pool. Having said that, no need to try and step up your game! You definitely brought a smile to my face with this one…
LOL! “Splashin around in the shallow end of the pool”. The visual of me actually doing that is really heinous and hilarious 😂😂
I just don’t find avocados filling for a binge. Bananas work well, as you also get that nice mush in your hands as you shove it all in. And it looks attractive to anyone viewing as well!
BUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Never make eye contact with someone when eating a banana, but if you’re just smashing it in, I guess that’d be OK! 😂
I’ve eaten a whole avocado on one slice of toast… and I’m rather proud of it.
That sounds delicious!!! ❤️😋😋😋
Oh. Me. Lord you’re hilarious!
I ate an entire chocolate cake once. I went grocery shopping whilst hungry, which is a big no-no to which I do not give a great good fuck to abide. So I get this chocolate cake on a whim. It wasn’t a regular sized cake, it probably fed four. So I got home and had a slice, a gooood slice. And then I thought about leaving the rest for my kids before thinking better of it since I had gone grocery shopping whilst hungry so I had scored pahlenty of junk food they were going to tear into like Vikings. So I rewarded myself by eating the rest of the cake.
No justifications or denials. No guilt or shame. It was a big simple “Fuck Yes” moment.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 YESSSS! I totally know what kind of cake you’re talking about and I GET IT! I could TOTALLY do the same thing!!
Without shame girl! Shame is for quitters!
Yup when I eat avocado I’ll eat a whole one. Don’t see the point in saving pieces…
Good way to think!!
My biggest achievement in life is eating a whole block of cheddar cheese in about 10 minutes. I was heavily pregnant, so I like to think the baby needed calcium. I did it fit the baby, not me. I’m selfless like that.
😂😂😂😂😂😂 What a beautifully, selfless act. I hope you wrote about that in her baby book, or recorded it somewhere for posterity 😂😂😍🧀🧀
That’s a really good idea. I want her to realise what an amazing mother I am 😆. I also used to eat several king sized Mars Bars every day when I was pregnant. Again, purely for selfless reasons. God, being pregnant was great 👍🏻
I bet being pregnant is fabulous. However, knowing me, I’d truly use my situation to growing as big as a house!
Pizza.
EVERY DAMN TIME.
My wife doesn’t eat red meat and likes stupid stuff on her pizza like pineapples, so we can never split a pizza. Which means we each order our own. Inevitably, I end up eating the entire thing.
We have the same problem!!! I can totally demolish a medium pizza!!
I love avocados,, and I have to admit, if I have to fun it in half, and store unused portion in the fridge, ( even sealed) it will be gross enough later for me not to eat it, so I eat the whole damn thing, too! With scrambled egg or salad. Oh, but for the taste I sprinkle a little Mrs Dash Southwest Chipotle on it. Otherwise, I might as well eat butter.
Oooh! I’ll have to try that seasoning!! Yup, they turn gross when you try to save them 👎🏻👎🏻
You are so funny and yet so honest!!! It’s true, we have all been there! I’m a fool for peanut butter and chocolate on any day!!!!
Honesty is the best policy 😂😂 I’m a FREAK for Peanut Butter!!!!! ❤️❤️😋❤️❤️😋
Oh ive eaten it. An entire one with sugar. Loved it. So replete after. I fell asleep.
Oh, that’s awesome!!!!!! 👏🏻
I love Avocados (so do my squirrels!) and I love your post…I was LoL’ing! Oh yeah, i’ve polished off a whole bag of chips while watching a movie! 😜
LOL!! I can’t even keep chips in the house! I get it 😜
what an entertaining read LOL! AND it’s so normal, an avo is good for you!
Hehe! Thank you!