I’ve been deciding it’s high time to get my act together, diet-wise (Want to guess how many times I’ve said that exact statement? Hint- a fuck load). I haven’t quite come down from my vacation eat-everything-I-possibly-can mode. I’ve totally been living the vacation food life sans the walking miles everyday aspect of that life, so the pounds really have the ability to pack on.
Literally me every time food was in front of my fat face on my trip.
I’ve probably gained at least five pounds since I’ve been home. I have no idea, though. My scale is propped behind my bathroom door with two inches of dust on it, because The Boyfriend doesn’t sweep behind the door, if we’re pointing fingers here, AND because I’m Anti-Scale. When my jeans fit again, I’ll know I’ve lost weight.
My blog buddy and sister from another mister, Cinzia, suggested we be diet accountability partners on MyFitnessPal.
Because I love the ever-loving-shit out of Cinzia and because I finally deleted my Weight Watchers app that I’ve been paying $20 a month for for the better part of a year, yet wasn’t even using, I was happy to agree.
We arranged to share each other’s food diary by way of a passcode. Essentially, she was able to see all of the ridiculous shit I put in my mouth and I could see how many pieces of lettuces she ate and miles she ran in a day.
It was great fun. Here is a rundown of some of the things I might have said to her about her diet:
“Wow. No dessert again. You’re doing that everyday now? Is that a thing?”
“You ran five miles? Are those the same kind of miles we have over here in the states?”
“AREN’T YOU EVEN HUNGRY?”
Now, here are some things she probably said (I can’t be certain. People say a lot of things to me everyday. So…):
“Girl, did you really eat a donut for breakfast on the first day of tracking?”
“You did so good all day. Well, except somewhere around ‘Taco Bell Nachos and Large DQ Cookie Dough Blizzard’.
“What exactly does ‘small bite of entire Cheesecake Factory Chocolate Hazelnut Crunch cheesecake’ mean?”
Basically, I’m utterly failing.
Here’s the deal, and I’m just gonna be real forthright and candid with ya’ll.
When do I ever get a cupcake, though?
With MyFitnessPal, you get the calories you get and you don’t throw a fit (Except, I did throw a fit. I threw a full blown fatty fit, complete with legit crying over not getting to eat a chocolate cream pie * ever again).
This is why these kinds of diets and eating plans don’t work with me. I need to know that eventually I can have a cheat fry or two. Or, that the cupcake I inhaled on one of my students’ birthdays doesn’t mean my entire diet for the day/week/month is derailed.
I need some wiggle room, ya’ll.
I’ve mentioned quite a few times the success I had on Weight Watchers (like, 50 pound-weight-loss-success).
This is why:
You get extra weekly points.
This may sound like an excuse to eat what you shouldn’t on a “diet”, but hear me out…
If you strictly follow your daily allotted points, your weekly points don’t hurt your progress.
They don’t make hurt your progress, ya’ll.
As long as you track and don’t go balls to the wall insane, you can lose weight while enjoying the occasional french fry or 20 or the odd cupcake or three.
So, what I’m really saying is restrictive af diets aren’t my jam and life is way too sucky to not eat cupcakes.
I mean, right?
So, if you’re reading this, and I kinda think you are, I have a question for you, Cinzia…
Will you be my Weight Watchers Girl Friend?
I totally will only be a little sad if you want to stay with MyFitnessPal since he’s done a body good. I just don’t think he’s that into me and I miss my cupcake points.
Now, I just need to find the willpower to sign back up with Weight Watchers and count my points without cheating, and I’ll be on the right track to losing this is-she-preggers-or-just-fat belly.
The struggle is real, folks.
What diets or food plans have worked for you and if you say paleo or keto totally works without cheating ever, I want your proof! For realz, show me it’s doable and I’ll maybe consider it…
*whispers* No, I won’t.