Ahh, blogging. Where do I even begin? I guess from the beginning.
Way back, like seven years back, I started my first blog. It took a lot to get to the point where I finally hit “publish”. I sent writing samples off to my mom, who, obviously, said I was funny. I worried that she was biased, so she sent off my writing samples to colleagues and friends, never hinting at who I was. The response was incredibly positive and was the impetus to finally put myself out there for the world to read.
Only, I had NO clue how to blog. Not one fucking iota. The only people who ever read my posts were close friends and family via Facebook and relentless “hints”.
Not everyone and their halfwit brother had a blog then, so there weren’t articles all over social media about how to blog. I don’t think it was a “thing” then. I also think this was before the WordPress reader. Hashtags, Pinterest, and Twitter weren’t even in existence. It was the Blogging Stone Age.
Pretty much no one outside of my small circle read my blog.
What’s crazy is that I was OK with that. I was doing what I loved to do, and it didn’t really matter that I had to beg my ex to post supportive comments to make it look like I had a “following”.
My second attempt at blogging has been a completely different experience. Completely.
I’ll never forget the day I got my first “like” from a stranger via WordPress.
What is this? Someone found my post? And, they read it?
Wha???
From that point on, my following has steadily increased to numbers I never thought possible.
I love being a “blogger”. Don’t get me wrong. My most favorite part of the blogging experience is connecting with people all over the world, from the United Kingdom to Kenya. That part is amazing and often the only reason I open my WordPress app.
However, what I am finding to be a challenge is the ever-growing influence to whore myself out for followers, likes, shares, you name it.
When I started Fatty McCupcakes, I promised myself that I wouldn’t get caught up in the inevitable obsession if all I focused on was how many likes I was getting.
Don’t get me wrong, following your stats, managing your comments, and knowing what it takes to get your material in front of more readers is an important part of blogging.
But.
After having an interesting conversation with my blogger bud, Charlotte, I discovered why all of the bullshit involved with blogging has been getting me down:
I’m first and foremost a writer.
Blogging comes second to writing. Every.single.time.
I’m not the kind of blogger who is solely in it for the potential money-making and free product opportunities. I’m definitely not one of those beauty/travel bloggers who seem to always be jetting off to exotic locale after exotic locale, donning their free swag they got writing positive reviews. It’s just not my jam (I’m also not a ridiculously good-looking, independently wealthy, lucky bitch).
I have nothing against those kinds of bloggers. You do you, boo. If that’s your thing and you’re making money doing it, hell, maybe you’re smarter than I.
However, some (as in, not all) of these bloggers don’t seem like “real” people. Even more, they don’t seem like writers. They seem to be computers that communicate (if at all) with their followers in a very sterile, impersonal way.
How far can you fully engage in blogging until you’re a computer prostitute, begging for the opportunity to gain a follower, all just for the price of a risky blow job and a huge hit to your dignity?
I don’t know about any of you, but there are some aspects of blogging that feel dirty to me.
This leads me to the conundrum I’m in. Despite the fact that I don’t blog to actually blog, I do blog to gain more exposure. I want people to read what I write and to enjoy it and maybe, just maybe this will lead me to a paying gig at some point.
I was recently introduced to Go Read, which is an online book club, but also a platform for authors to share their posts and articles. As an author, you have the opportunity to make money depending on clicks, shares and the like. I hear that many authors can make $250 plus a month. In order to get started, you pay a minimal fee of $25 and you have to buy a book and then you get to post. There are groups popping up that one can belong to where you share each other’s articles to up your payable shares.
Maybe I’m being the dumbest, densest idiot on the block, but this just sounds like the not-good-kind of hustling and exactly the opposite of what I’m about as a writer.
I’m not sure whether or not I’m ready to whore out my writing to boost my income.
Tell me: Am I being stupid not taking advantage of an easy, albeit sleezy-feeling money-making opportunity? Do you ever feel like a blogging whore? Let me know in the comments.
Category: rants
WTF Wednesday #5
As many of my followers know, I’m on the hunt for a house. I couldn’t have chosen the absolute worst time to do that, too. It’s a seller’s market in my area, and home prices are climbing to new heights. Homes that would have been right up my monetary alley are not even within reach.
Probably you’re wondering, “Then, why are you choosing to buy right now, dumbass?”
Well, it’s simple. I’m sick and tired of paying someone else’s mortgage. I’m sick of having to share the communal laundry area in the basement that reeks of weed and stroganoff. I’m sick of forgetting to get quarters to do said laundry. I’m sick of not having a garden I can swear I’m going to use for planting an herb garden, but I’ll likely neglect. I’m sick of not having private outdoor space that I never use, but it’s there if I ever do decide to enjoy some fresh Reno cigarette air. Most of all, I’m sick of not having a dog.
I’ve had more people than is even reasonable who respond to that desire in a way that would insinuate that I’m not “ready” for that responsibility. Maybe they are just putting a really rude spin on the classic, “There, there. It’ll happen in time.” Either way, it pisses me the hell off.
First, I’m 34-fucking-years-old. Sure, I can’t keep a house plant alive to save my life, but an animal is completely different.
Second, I could have gotten a dog like other irresponsible college kids do when I was young, living in a cramped apartment, and I sometimes couldn’t even afford to feed myself, but I didn’t. I didn’t because I knew that kind of lifestyle and my idiocy was not fair to any animal.
Third, who are you, the Everything You Could Possibly Know About Dogs expert? Who says you’re the best dog mom/dad ever? I know you feed your dog expired hot dogs and clearance tinned cat food in secret. That organic dog food you made and posted on Instagram happened once. Three years ago. Sit down.
Lastly, needing/wanting a dog in your life is almost as legit as the need to have a child. It’s all about the biological need for a woman to nurture something.
Maybe it seems silly to you, but I was born with puppy ovaries. I yearn for a furry, milk-breathed baby. I need something to love and care for. Since I’m not planning on having human children, my desire for a puppy feels legit to me.
Don’t belittle that desire, because it seems silly to you.
Might I remind you again that I’m well into my adult years, I am responsible for 20 human lives on a daily basis, and I’m pretty damn dependable.
Quit acting like I don’t know what kind of huge responsibility it is to have a dog.
Just stop.
So, the search continues for a non-crack den house that’s crack-den-cheap so I can have a dog. Keep your eyes peeled for my next WTF Wednesday, which will likely be on the myriad options I have for housing (hint: I’m being sarcastic, and most of my options come on wheels).
Tell me: Has anyone made you feel like you were too inept for a dog, or even a houseplant? Let me know in the comments.
Share this:
WTF Wednesday #3
For this installment of WTFW, I’m coming at you with a rant. Brace yourselves, people. It’s gonna be a doozy.
I don’t even care how lame this rant makes me seem. So, I’ll just come out and say it: WTF is so hard about hitting “like”?
Now, if you literally don’t like a post/page/status update, if you’re offended by it, if it displeases you, then, by all means, keep scrolling.
But, what could possibly be offensive or displeasing about a Michael Scott meme? Or, a humorous and relatable tale of woe? Or, my EFFING FB BLOG PAGE?
I have almost 400 Facebook friends. I have 180 some likes on my Fatty McCupcakes page and the majority of those likes are from the good people of WordPress.
I just can’t even anymore.
This is why I think it’s just plain salty to not have “liked” my blog page when you’re a personal friend of mine:
1. What happened to supporting your friends in their personal interests and ventures?
2. I’m not overly offensive. 99% of the time I’m making fun of myself, people.
3. Hitting “like” takes you, literally, a fucking nanosecond.
4. I rarely even post on my page, so you wouldn’t be inundated with crap daily. Only recently have I been actively publishing post updates.
5. Whether you like it or not, social media is how the majority of the world communicates. Thus, not liking my blog page after I’ve politely invited you is like ignoring me when I wave at you on the street. I think it’s rude.
6. Don’t even try to lie and say you’re busy and it slipped your mind. I know you’re laying on your couch, binge watching Japanese panda videos on Facebook. Don’t even give me the “I’m busy and too important” speech.
Now, I would understand if the majority of the topics I posted was on the furry fandom, or my blog was called The Freed Nipple and The Unleashed Vagina, but NOPE. And, nope.
So, why the lack of support?
Maybe if those 350 friends knew how much it would mean to me for them to take 20 seconds out of their life to show support in the form of pressing down on (while not even needing to look) a square millimeter space on their phone, while they watch Gilmore Girls reruns, it’d be different.
But, I’m not about to act like I need the likes.
It’s just the damn principle of the matter.
On the same topic, has anyone else noticed that you are now able to see how many people saw your post on Facebook?
I’m part of a mom group (don’t even ask how that came to be) and the moms post hilarious memes and real life experiences that always make my ovaries shrivel up on the spot (I have magical, regenerating ovaries). Many times, these harried moms, just looking for recognition, get a dismal five likes when 85 people viewed their post.
You already saw it. You viewed it. YOU LOOKED.
You seriously can’t hit “like” and THEN be on your merry way?!
Why is this even bothering me?
OMG.
My eye is twitching and I can feel the blood pulsing in my temples.
I think I’ll go now, before I have an aneurism.
What annoys you about the world of social media and blogging? Rant away in the comments. I promise I won’t just glance at your comment, without responding, before I continue my über important creeping of random people’s Facebook pages.
Share this:
WTF Wednesday #2
Source
For this week’s installment of WTF Wednesday, it’s all about those dick diets that we all love so much (In no way am I insinuating that a particular body part is for lunch. I am using ‘dick’ like ‘jerk’. Got it?)
If you ever wondered why dieting sucks so much and it’s so damn hard (shit, I really shouldn’t have used the word ‘dick’, because now every other word has another meaning), it’s because diets taste freaking disgusting.
For real.
If I could, without guilt or consequence, continue eating marshmallow fluff and Nutella sandwiches for breakfast, till my dying day, I’d be a very happy, agreeable, and stress-free person.
But, because Heaven on Earth sandwiches make me fat and unhealthy, I get to eat unsweetened oatmeal and farty hard-boiled eggs for breakfast now.
Yay.
Along with finally trying to get my eating back on track, I’ve recently purchased organic colon cleanse pills and doTERRA Slim and Sassy.
Because anything that’s quick and easy is my game.
Let’s start with the colon cleanse.
Never have these two words together ever sounded like a good time to me. Sure, it sounds like it’s maybe a good idea, because it’s supposed to rid you of the nasty sludge that gets built up in the intestines. But, the actual process of a colon cleanse?
Just no.
When I bought these pills, I specifically asked if they’d make me poop my pants. I was assured it was a slow, not unpleasant process.
As much as I’d like to share some embarrassing story about how I was lied to and that I did actually crap my pants at school, it’s just not what happened.
In fact, nothing has happened. Like, nothing.
Maybe they are magic pills and they cleanse unknowingly, invisibly, magically. Or, I got scammed.
I could have performed a more successful cleanse by eating from the shady roach coach that parks across from the strip club downtown.
Next, let’s discuss Slim & Sassy by doTERRA.
First, I have to make it clear that I am a hardcore fan of doTERRA essential oils. I know and love a couple consultants, and they are why I’m addicted to the amazing Past Tense for my headaches. So, I’m in no way dissing the company at all.
But, Slim & Sassy is straight up “I’ll Just Stay Fat & Nasty”.
This morning, I excitedly dropped a couple drops in my water, did a sniff test, and nervously took a tiny sip.
I CAN’T EVEN EXPLAIN THE FLAVOR.
It’s like your water has been tainted with grass-flavored peppermint grapefruit bark.
And, now, my brand new “Boss Lady” metal water bottle will never be the same.
Needless to say, S&S is not my jam.
Not only did it taste just incredibly odd, it mildly burned my lips and then left them numb.
In the middle of my light and sound read aloud, I started slurring my speech and drooling down my chin.
As a teacher, this is just not a good look.
I don’t think I can stand trying Slim & Sassy again. My gag reflex is activating just thinking about it. Anyone want an almost-full bottle?
In ending, I’m literally a walking billboard for the fact that almost all diet “tricks” do.not.work.
The only thing that works is to stop pounding cake into your fat gob as if it were the end of days.
This is why I struggle, because feeding Bertha* tastes a million times better than tainted water, sulfur eggs, and grass pills that just make my belch-y breath smell like fertilizer.
#cakeme
*Bertha is my belly
Share this:
WTF Wednesday #1
In an effort to post more consistently (loved this tip from one of your recent posts, An Historian About Town), I’ve decided to start an installment called, “WTF Wednesdays”.
WTFW could be a rant about Target underwear (no way in hell those are XLs-try again), tirades on the topic of the price of a single cupcake these days, or just some of my random, seriously certifiable thoughts.
This Wednesday I’d just like to share a screenshot of one of my house matches on MLS that I was just emailed. I really think it’ll just speak for itself:
Except, I just gotta say…
Ain’t she a beauty? Condemned by the city and everything! I wasn’t going to mention the gorgeous rustic wood window coverings, the live in Cousin Eddie trailer, and the termite infested outdoor space, because I felt that was a little braggy.
I know my budget is on the low end, but damn.
If owning my own home means asbestos poisoning and ringworm, I think maybe I’m good?
So, in ending, why would a property like this even be an option on MLS? If the city doesn’t even think it’s safe enough, why would anyone else? Also, don’t even try to sell me on the value of the property. Ain’t no way I’m buying land that’s sandwiched between the Clampetts’ compound and a serial killer’s favorite dumping ground.
Yeah, I’m good.
I’d love to hear some of your house-hunting horror stories. Entertain me in the comments!
Share this:
Being a Blogger-Bitch Sesh
Source
When I decided to start my second blog, I promised myself that I wouldn’t get obsessed with followers and ‘likes’. I didn’t want it to be about that-the competive rat race to get as many ‘likes’ and followers as possible. Writing is my passion and I feel whole when I’m actively engaging in my passions. I don’t feel good being a how-many-people-are-following-me-whore.
But, let’s be real. A huge part of blogging is attaining followers and garnering ‘likes’ on your blog and across all social media. The more ‘likes’ and shares the more your content is read.
It’s just how it is.
Part of growing a blog is giving as much, if not more, than you are receiving. Just like in a healthy relationship, it’s all about an organic balance between the give and take.
Over the last, almost two years, I have developed relationships with amazing bloggers and people via WordPress. The talent out there is beautifully, abundantly full. It’s inspiring to read and interact with other blogs and bloggers.
So, it really burns my bitchy biscuits when I spend my rare free time to interact with other bloggers’ content and they don’t reciprocate.
Don’t.be.an.asshole.
It’s all about the give and take, people. If you want other bloggers to read your blog, read theirs. At the very least, give them a ‘like’. If you’re on the reader, it couldn’t be simpler to do this.
Like, really.
Another thing that kills me (since we’re being honest) is the amount of blogs out there that merely contain post after post of stock photos with quotes that may or may not belong to the blogger.
These blogs sometimes get loads of attention. You stole content from someone else, and that’s what people ‘like’?
Figures.
The bloggers I adore the most are those who you can tell spent time, energy, heart on what they post.
I’m sharing some of my favorites, because it’s been too long since I last did this and these fabulous writers and bloggers deserve the attention and praise:
Charlotte Graham
Kate
No Love For Fatties
Stephanie
When I Thought I Was Fat
I Will Not Live In Vain
Deb
The Revenge Wogger
Donkey Bytes
The Gay Stepdad
Suzie Speaks
The Shameful Sheep
Soul Gifts
I am so sorry if I forgot anyone. I went through my email and used the most recent posts from blogs I follow to find the blog addresses of the blogs above. Please let me know if we interact frequently on WordPress and I failed to list you here. I’ll make it up to you.
Despite the hard work it is to gain legit followers, I think the hardest part of being a blogger is finding the balance between sharing your work on social media in a refrained it’s-cool-if-you-want-to-read-my-post-also-cool-if-you -don’t and being way too in everyone’s face about it.
Because of this, I rarely remember to post on my Fatty McCupcakes Facebook page and Instagram. I do not want to be that person who people unfollow on every social media site for being way too overbearing and pushy.
With that said, another one of my blogging annoyances is the lack of support from people you would think should be more supportive.
I read an article awhile back about the struggles most budding writers face, and one of the biggest ones was the fact that you won’t always have the support of your close friends and family. Whether it’s because your content is disagreeable to the people you know, they don’t understand how to access your writing, or they simply don’t have the time or don’t care, it’s never fun to not be supported.
I’m lucky that so many of my family and friends actively read my blog and support me in any way they can, but the absence of some makes me wonder. I know it shouldn’t matter, but it does. It does.
I also wonder how I can have 400 some Facebook friends and not even 200 likes on my blog page. How hard is it to hit ‘like’? I’m not selling you something. I don’t bombard your feed with annoying, repetitive garbage. I don’t pester you for attention.
So, what gives?
These are just some of my personal struggles and annoyances that come with being a blogger.
What are some of yours? I’d love to hear!
Share this:
For Shame
Disclaimer: If you normally read my blog for its satire and humor content, and you aren’t a fan of rants OR you don’t want your fabulous opinion of me to possibly change, maybe skip this one.
If you ain’t scurred, then read on.
Last night, I RSVP’d “maybe” to the Reno Women’s March on Washington happening on the 21st. I think it’s pretty darn awesome that women (and men) are assembling to demonstrate their support for Planned Parenthood, BLM, the LGBTQ community, NoDAPL, and many other worthy causes. I mean, rock on! Right?!
I want it to be made amply clear that I’m a supporter of all human kind. I do my best to not discriminate and to accept all people from all walks of life. Whenever I discover a stereotype I might have, I do my best to learn as much as I can about what I believe, what I think, and what more I can learn about what I am misunderstanding.
I also want to express that I do not get into politics on my blog. There is enough of that all over social media. It’s quite literally thrown into our faces on a daily basis. I like to think that my blog and what I write about transcends the negativity of reality. My blog is about reality, but the kind of reality that is fun to laugh at.
I’m not even going to go into who I voted for or what I believe about the state of our world in that respect. I want all people of any political affliation (my phone autocorrected that to ‘affliction’. I wonder if that has some hidden meaning?) to be welcome here. I don’t want to get into politics, because it tarnishes what I intend to do here-create a space where people can relate and laugh about real life “fuck me” experiences. So, I’m not getting into politics.
Nope.
What I do intend to do in this post is express my disdain for the overused idea of shaming. In looking up the exact definition of ‘shaming’, I found that there isn’t a classical definition for the exact word ‘shaming’. This word or idea is a derivation of ‘shame’.
Google defines shame as:
A painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.
In recent years we’ve practically changed the meaning of this word to mean:
Being made to feel inadequate or less than for something you can’t help or for just fucking being who you are.
Shame is now an action and is inflicted upon victims by people for varied reasons, instead of being an emotion born internally.
Shaming is bad. I.e. Fat Shaming, Slut Shaming, Mom Shaming, Food Shaming, Feelings Shaming, and on and on.
The last two types of shaming I listed came from Wanderlust Magazine. So, no, I’m not making those up.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s not OK to make people feel bad just because it makes you feel better. That’s terrible behavior, and if you behave that way, you’re the problem.
However, we are overusing and abusing the idea of shaming.
Why I previously mentioned the march in my post was because I was creeping on the discussions on the event page, because I knew there’d be some drama found there (I only read news articles on Facebook for the entertaining drama that always surfaces in the comments), and, huzzah! There were 118 comments on a post someone made on the page.
I tried to find said post this morning, but I either grew distracted trying to find it or it was removed.
The woman (I believe one of the march organizers) who wrote the post said something about it being a good idea to leave kids and strollers home if attending the march.
This created huge backlash.
This one woman went on and on and on about how she was being “shamed” as a mother for wanting to bring her kids.
As I read her comments, that got more and more pretentious, I wanted to puke all over what she was saying (where’s the puke option for posts?).
Nowhere. Nowhere did anyone shame this woman in the comments.
This woman cried shaming over a kindly worded suggestion.
Get.the.fuck.over.yourself.
Seriously, not everything is shaming. Not everything someone says that you don’t agree with is fucking shaming.
Alright?!
In fact, I believe that a certain amount of shame helps us learn how to not be disrespectful assholes.
That whiny woman could have ignored the comment, and continued with her plans to bring her kids, and all would have been fine.
Free speech and the ability to speak our minds is an important right, but when you don’t use your brain, your free speech just comes off as unintelligent sniveling.
I’ve decided I don’t really want to march with people who feel entitled to believe that anyone who doesn’t agree with them is “shaming” them.
No, not all of the people marching for these important causes is like that woman. But, I know there will be more of them there. How could I possibly spot them in a huge crowd of people? They’ll be the ones asking random people if there will be a participation trophy for attending the march.
Nah. I’m good.
I’ll just fight the good fight by growing some lady balls so I don’t mistake disagreement for shaming.
#smh
Source
Source for featured image.
