What the hell is wrong with me? Why can’t I be like normal people? Why can’t I be a calm, cool, collected individual? The anxiety, the rash decisions, the guilt. It’s all too much.
I’m useless, mental, insane, compulsively-driven at the very sight of…of cupcakes. I know. What the fuck is wrong with me?
The other day we had a staff meeting where cupcakes were present. They were brought out at the very start of the meeting. They were for a birthday, so tradition dictates that you don’t partake until ‘Happy Birthday’ is sung. Um. Why you people gotta play with me like that?
The.whole.time I sneaked peeks over at those beautiful confections of sugar goodness. It was mean, really.
They were taunting me.
How can you expect anyone, particularly one with an unhealthy relationship to cake, to actually pay attention to the matters at hand when there are cupcakes RIGHT OVER THERE?
I think I know what we discussed at the staff meeting, but really, all I was concerned with was whether or not I would have time to eat my cupcake before the school day started.
During the height of my anxiety, when I was contemplating how bad it would look if I just snatched one and ran out, I began to notice everyone else.
They were all just casually drinking their coffee and jotting down notes.
I’m having the sweats and I’m feeling like an animal in heat and these people are cool as fucking cucumbers. Really.
It’s moments like these, during staff meetings where I have to abstain, with temptation taunting me, when I wonder how I’m not 400 pounds.
The fact that a fucking cupcake can mentally control me to such a degree is embarrassing. Normal people want one, but they don’t salivate like a starving dog begging for scraps.
My many, fervent, stolen glances over at the rainbow cake bombs, did the trick and it was finally time to get one! *Fat clap*
I basically mowed everyone down to get to them first. I’m that person.
I was instantly ashamed, but my regret didn’t stop me from checking the teacher’s lounge, at lunch, to see if there were any left.
Flashback Friday: Fat Clap
I Like The Title. Regards
Love it I have bacon butty disorder but the medical world don’t recognise it as a disorder yet☺
What, my friend, is bacon butty??
Bacon sandwich😉
Love it!!!
I will take a bacon butty. I know what they are 😀
Throw in sausage and mushroom and it’s just heaven in a roll☺
mmm, yes please 😀
I want one now😀😀😀
I’d eat pretty much anything right now, someone stole my other half bagel!!!!!
That’s not on nicking someone’s food you could hang me from my toes rather than steel my food😂
What is it again?! I’m lost!
Trust me, most of them are experiencing the SAME INTERNAL STRUGGLE. If you could read their thoughts like cartoon bubbles, you’d see that. (Well, the women, anyway. The dudes are picturing y’all naked.)
HAHA!!!! So true!
I’m like that when it comes to Doritos… I can’t just have one. Pringles ain’t got SHIT on Doritos.
Lol!! I’m like that, but with cheddar baked Lays. I will/can/usually do eat the whole bag in one sitting 😔
Its depressing. But, we only live once, right? That’s what I keep telling myself, at least.
Yeah…I tell myself a lot of things to feel better 😂😂
This post makes me feel sooo much better about the fact that I ate half a pack of Maryland cookies the other day just because they were there and I couldn’t be stopped.
I’m glad I was able to help! We all have days where we want to (and do) eat an entire bag or package of goodness! 😜👍
Question: Do you prefer cupcakes with a little or a lot of icing??
http://www.anayo-ordu.com
A LOT 😍😜🐷
I don’t like cupcakes. They anger me and cause me great depression.
Why icing on my nose, every single time, WHY?
CUPCAKES=LIFE
Bacon sandwich with sausage and mushrooms☺☺
That’s right!
Ok I would so be exactly the same way! Definitely would not be able to concentrate on anything if I knew cupcakes were in the room. Actually at my friend’s wedding I was kind of like that- people were attempting to make conversation with me, but all I could think about were the cupcakes coming up…
Hahahahah we must be the same person. I’ve probably definitely not listened to someone talking to me because there were baked goods in my field of vision 😂😬
lol- baked goods are just more important!
I think our evolutionary skills are just better than other people’s! In the past we would totally be the ones who were like “Uhh you guys, we can’t gossip now there’s a wolf over there who wants to eat us.” and then we would run away while all the other pre-humans were eaten… it’s like we just evolved better than everyone else- it’s not our fault!
It makes SO MUCH sense. So much. We are the intelligent evolutionary marvels. Survival of the fittest, bitches!
Another lol 🙂 🙂
Hehe ☺️ Thank you!
Laughing my tits off … fat clap
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
You seriously aren’t the only one lol!!!
LOL! Good 😜😂
😂😂😂
Girl. You need to search “cake” on my blog. I SO understand your pain.
I’m going to say they aren’t reacting the same because they have no joy in their lives?? Cupcakes are always at the top of the list
HAHA! That MUST be it!!
I’ve actually trained my co-workers. One of them brought in a cheesecake topped with raspberry jelly and delicately piped ribbons of fresh whipped cream. It was beautiful…a real work of art…and it whispered sweet words of seduction in my ear.
“eat me….”
AND they brought in fresh strawberries….just in case.
I managed to focus on the strawberries instead of the sugar-bomb demon…but it was a close thing.
That’s super nice of them! I love fruit and it’s what keeps me sane on my food plan, but fruit up against baked goods? Nope. Baked goods win every time.
Girl I would totally get this way on inservice school days where got a catered lunch! Forget the lectures meetings and trainings. WHEN’S MY FREE LUNCH?!
OMG YES!!! On every training days my lunch is ALL I can concentrate on 😂😂😫😫😫
You’re not alone. I have the same issue with croissants. I just can’t concentrate on other topics of conversation until I secure one of those pastries for myself. 🙂
You know, one of my worst jobs was in advertising at a newspaper. I was really badly paid, but it was all okay because they had a doughnut fund. Regular doughnuts stopped me from quitting for quite a while. It makes no sense! If they paid me a decent wage I could have bought my own blooming doughnuts!!
😂😂😂😂 I’m dying! That’s hilarious and SO something I’d do too!!!
Cupcakes, cupcakes, gimme cupcakes!
Heck yeah!!!!! Where’s the cupcake emoji?!?!
Seems there are a lot of food fantasy confessions here. Mines is chocolate. It calls to me and I can sniff it out from 100 metres. I was once blown away that I found a chocolate bar in my cupboard that I had bought several weeks before. How had I missed it? Miracles do happen. 🙂
😂😂😂😂 “I can sniff it out from 100 meters.” YES!! Now, THAT is a beneficial skill to have!
Perhaps I should create an online course! 🤣
Yes!!! Absolutely!!
If that ain’t toxic sugar addiction, I don’t what the fuck is. Dude. Seriously.
Watch these in order but remember: to the addict, nothing makes sense in the world except the substance. No lectures, no facts, no guilt trips or even late night house parties of self-loathing where only you and your mirror are invited will have the slightest impact until the chemical is gone and the neurological loop is closed.
Really.
I know because I was you last year and every year before that. I tried everything and everything failed. I was a raw vegan, for fuck’s sake, and still fat and sick as a dog. Then, I ended all forms of sugar, saw instant results, and started the grieving process for having suffered a lifetime of unnecessary guilt, shame, and physical illnesses. I walk around these days wanting to stab doctors right in the nads, I shit you not, every single one of those bastards blamed ME and said the system was perfect.
Oh, yeah, assholes? Watch this….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dacv_OoM62s
I DO WHAT I WANT 😂
No truer words have ever been stated. Did you know the only companies not to suffer during the economic recession were food companies that use sugar in their products? (insert Jeopardy music)
I am too this soldier. Driven by a desire to fight for country. The country of CAKE.
😂😂😂😂😂 “The country of Cake”!!!! YES!!! I’m dying!!
Wow. There is a real dream💟🎂
😍🎂
Isla’s birthday cupcakes were in the house for two whole days before anyone ate them. Because we were shopping on Sunday and her birthday was yesterday, and we live in the middle-of-effing-nowhere, we had to save them. Thought of you. They taunted me, too. Neil wanted to take the extras home, but I left them with the teachers, because I’m one of those non-dick mothers. <3
Oh man!!!!!!!!!! That’s brutal! But, I’m so happy to hear you’re a non-dick mother 😂😂😜☺️
Well, I don’t actually know what the nursery teachers think of me, but I did leave them cupcakes, so…
They LOVE you. Trust me ☺️😉
If you’d like to move over here you could teach Isla. I’d bring in cupcakes.
OMG!!! That would be a dream!!
Who are these “normal people” of whom you speak? Are those the same rat bastards who invented veggie day at the office? If so, I hate them. (And I have a firm rule about hating anyone, but that veggie day crap nonsense must be stopped!)
AGREED!! They must be those same veggie bastards!!
The author of Fat Women Don’t Get Fat (fuck that bitch btw)suggests always having a little snack in your pocket during times like this. Perhaps have an emergency cupcake in your pocket at all times. Sure, everyday would be an emergency but eventually when the firemen are cutting your wall to get you out, then that is when you could cut back. Lol!!!
French, not fat…sorry, I’m starving over here.
HAHA! Hunger does some really messed up crap to a person!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yasss!! I TOTALLY need to figure out how to keep an emergency cupcake in my pocket!
That sounds like the name of a hipster cupcakery: Emergency Cupcake.
Yes!! That’s my bakery, dude!!!
I will come to it everyday! Me loves some cupcake!
❤️❤️😊👌
You described my sugar addiction to a t. 😭😭😭
The struggle is real, sister ✊️
Truth👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻