Travel Fashion Tips For Idiots

I’m using the word ‘fashion’ quite loosely here, because I don’t think know for certain I’ve never been mistaken for that-girl-in-the-black-Lanvin-felt-hat-and-Burberry-scarf you once saw strolling the Rue de Rosiers in Paris (yes, I had to do a lengthy Google search for any recognizable designer brand names).

Don’t I look positively European here? Just kidding, that’s not me. I have ten more fat rolls on my back.
More likely, I’m the sweaty girl you saw once who tripped getting off the tube at Paddington Station in London with a Golden Nugget Casino baseball cap and a grease stain on her stretched out $10 Old Navy tank top.

It’s not like I don’t try. I don’t set out to pack for a trip with the end goal being “How to Look Like The Biggest American Slob, Hands Down”. It just happens, because:
1. How am I supposed to know what’s going to look good on my (likely bloated from too many foreign beers) untrustworthy body before the fact?
2. After months of deliberation, comfort sometimes wins against the but-that-fitted-dress-might-fit-when-I’m-on-another-continent-kinda-like-how-you-weigh-less-on-the-moon. And, because I’ve let comfort win, I’ve felt really underdressed at high tea in my zip up hoodie and stretched out boyfriend jeans.
3. Just as many times as comfort wins, so does completely idiotic clothing choices. I’ve spent far too many trips feeling like the biggest noob, because I chose the black and white polka dot platform wedges instead of a sensible flat with arch support and then I wonder why I have weak ankles and permanent gouge marks in my knees (heels and cobblestone are for professionals only).

Not a good choice
Is it possible to be comfortable and not look and feel like a slob monster?
Here are some of the tips I’ve learned the hard way. Let Fatty tell you what feels good and looks half alright on a trip.
Leggings Are LIFE
I know there are people who will disagree with my leggings stance. To those people, I say, “Have fun wearing unforgiving jeans on a 9 hour flight, suckas!” I actually love you, leggings haters and all, but for real, there ain’t nothing better than pants that feel like no pants. I mean, come on.
The best part about leggings is they can TOTALLY be dressed up or down (obviously). With the right shirt (long enough to cover your bits, people!), maybe some interesting layering (a nice chambray, perhaps?), a fun scarf, and, dependent on weather – a nice flat, slip on, boot, or sandal, you have a stylish and comfy-even after eating two meals worth of tapas- ensemble.

I mean, HELLO! I’d never be able to do this without leggings.
Here are some other times you’re gonna feel glad you chose leggings:

  • After too many ciders or beers. A bloated belly is much happier in stretchy pants
  • During the after-travel-diarrhea-ballooning of your belly
  • When your damn pants won’t button because you’ve sampled too much of the local flavor
  • ANY TIME


If by ‘sometimes’, he means ‘every time’, by ‘man’, he means ERRYBODY and by ‘room’, he means ‘everywhere’, then, YUP.
(THAT WAS WAY TOO MANY COMMAS. HELP.)
As if there needed to be another reason for leggings: JUST IMAGINE HOW MANY WILL FIT IN YOUR SUITCASE.
When you choose leggings, you choose the best of what life has to offer- not having to realize you’ve gained 20 pounds on your trip.
Shoes: Comfort Should Reign Supreme (But That Doesn’t Mean You Gotta Go Full Granny*)
I once walked from Earls Court to the City of Westminster and then walked all over the best parts of touristy London for two hours in Converse. My feet were so pissed at me, they didn’t fully recover for days. Repeat after me: Converse are not good for walking long distances if you have anything but perfect feet. Sure, I looked super cute, but what does that matter when your feet can’t even the next day?
Maybe you’re one of the lucky assholes who can comfortably wear shoes with no arch support and zero cushion, but I’m, for sure, gonna leave my Converse at home on my next trip.
I’m constantly trying to marry comfort with style. And, by style, I mean if I could see my great aunt wearing them, they aren’t my kind of style. No offense, Aunt Mabel, we are just in completely different style eras. I’m sure when I’m your age, I’ll be wearing Velcro Hush Puppies, too.
I’ve just bought some walking shoes that I feel are pretty on par with what I feel will look good with most of my clothing, while at the same time, won’t have my feet screaming in protest. Here are the shoes I just bought for my upcoming trip:

I’m super excited about these. They totally don’t look like Dr. Scholl’s, but I know they’ll have my back (literally).

I also purchased these super lightweight Adidas walking shoes for the days we are going to hardcore walk.
I’m still deciding how best to couple style with comfort in a sandal. This is proving a daunting task.
SCARVES
I can’t tell you how many times a good scarf has saved me from feeling and looking like a total boob. Not only do scarves jazz up a rather neutral, but easy to pack color scheme, they can do so many other things.
Scarves can:

  • Be used as a blanket on a chilly plane (make sure you have a pashmina-sized scarf. I’m pretty sure a silk neckerchief won’t do the trick)
  • Be tied together to form an escape rope out of your hotel window (actually, please don’t do that. You’ll probably die)
  • Be used to wrap up and pack delicate had-to-have souvenirs in your suitcase
  • Camouflage those pesky chin or lip hairs that can crop up while on a 12 hour flight (you totally won’t look weird with a scarf tied around your face if it’s a Tory Burch)
  • Double as a bandana on those really terrible high-humidity-hair-days (but, I can’t guarantee you won’t look like Captain Jack Sparrow)


If you really want, you can buy this here
Funky Fabrics
I know next to nothing about fabrics. I’m the kind of person who completely wrecks delicate fabrics by ironing them on the setting for cotton (hey, at least I was ironing).
So, I’m not the person to really be advising people on what kinds of clothing, in terms of fabrics, to pack for their trip. All I know is what I’ve experienced.
I rarely, which means next to never, travel in the winter, so the only weather I’m familiar with is hot-as-balls weather. If you also travel in the summer and you also are a sweaty sloth like me STAY AWAY FROM SYNTHETIC FABRICS.
I don’t know what it is, but when I sweat in anything but cotton, IT NASTY.

So, if you’re planning on wearing clothing more than once before washing or your shirt needs to last longer than your two hour hop-on-hop-off bus tour, maybe wear cotton or linen. These fabrics don’t dry as quickly, but at least you won’t be the smelly one who Muffy and Farrah talk about the rest of their trip.

So, I hope this has either been helpful, mildly entertaining or it kept you from having to do some really crappy task.
Until next time!
*I am not a granny-style-hater. I love grannies and their adorable linty sweaters.
Fatty McCupcakes has been nominated in the Funniest Blogger category for the Annual Bloggers Bash Awards. If this gave you a chuckle, I’d really appreciate the love! You can vote HERE! Thank you, and as Leslie Knope would say, “I love you and I like you.”

175 thoughts on “Travel Fashion Tips For Idiots”

  1. I also vote for leggings depending on where you are going. If you’re comfortable being pegged American, leggings and a puffy coat all the way. LOL. I try to blend.

    1. Eh. I think leggings are pretty universal, are they not?? Maybe Iโ€™m wrong ๐Ÿ˜ฒ. Either way, Iโ€™ll TOTALLY be OK being pegged as an American if I can have my leggings.

      1. laughing. It depends so much on where you are.
        I’m going only by last year’s trip because anything else was too long ago. Amsterdam was such a melting pot I saw EVERYTHING. and I do mean that in the best and worst ways. LOL
        Berlin was more conservative. Much more conservative.

        1. Well, glad to know Amsterdam is more of a melting pot and will likely embrace my leggings, because thatโ€™s where Iโ€™m going this summer ๐Ÿ˜‚โ˜บ๏ธ

  2. Wtf happened to that Barbie doll?? That had me howling ๐Ÿ˜‚ I need to invest in some leggings. I have jeggings but even.
    they can be uncomfortable. I also have jeans which are a little too big around the waist, for when I know I’ll be go mad with all things food!

    1. That Barbie doll has just been on public transportation for hours ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚. Jeggings are not quite as awesome as leggings, but better than jeans!! Good idea to wear bigger jeans in preparation for eating ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

      1. I was just thinking you should hold off on buying more scarves. It’s just, there are soooo many beautiful scarves in Europe. Bring one, and then you can have an excuse to buy a couple more on holiday.
        Plus, then, when you get home, you’ll have a good reminder of your holiday to wear to work. Double win!!

    1. I always always travel with a big ole pashmina. Pillow, blanket, shawl, skirt, and once I even used it as a nursing shield (as in, I draped it ‘just so’, so I could feed The Child on a plane — and no one was the wiser!)

  3. I have a travel outfit (or had). It cut into my belly on the way home, but, that’s what I wear for flying with the silly x-ray thing. At least in Winter. I just bought a cotton outfit for Summer time.

  4. Must be genetic. I always say I don’t have the fashion gene. And then…you’re traveling with Aunt Dana who never fails to look fab and always have the perfect outfit๐Ÿ˜ฉ
    This was funny and helpful๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ‘

  5. I give the fashion police an excuse to order that 5th beer of the day….but only until 11am. After that, the limit rises to 10.
    I have to disagree with Leggings are LIFE, though…I’m solidly in the Harem Pants FTMFW camp, because they’re light & flowy and don’t detail every lump, bump, and fatroll of my legs. AND, if I’ve got the wild notion to show off my “I didn’t wanna shave” shins, all I gotta do is pull the ankle elastic up to my knees.

    1. I like Harem pants too! If you wear a long enough shirt, it should cover most of the lumps and bumps in your upper leg area. Also, if your leggings are flashy enough, you canโ€™t even see any imperfection!

  6. Leggings are gold. They saved me on a long flight to London and paired with a Classy but oh so comfy “Tunic” sweater, camisole and cute but comfy sneakers, I still looked half way stylish to have tea with the Queen. OK, maybe just near her house but Europe is so dauntingly stylish at least i didn’t stand out like a big red neon sign flashing “Suburban American” here, Mini-van still on the boat but will be here soon. Leggings Rock.

    1. โ€œMini van still on the boat, but will be here soon.โ€ I legit spit out my coffee ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚. Thatโ€™s GOLD. Iโ€™m a full-fledged believer that leggings can look classy af ๐Ÿ˜‰โค๏ธ

  7. Because we are twins, Iโ€™m also someone that cannot go walking a long way in anything but my super comfy trainers with arch support. I did a small bit of walking in my sandals the other day and my feet (knees & back), were like โ€œwhat the fuck do you think youโ€™re doing?!โ€. I am so jealous of people that just pop on cute trainers with fuck all cushioning or thin flip-flops and walk for miles. The older I get, the more all I care about is comfort. Iโ€™m thinking I might go full-on Granny within the next 10 years.

    1. BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Iโ€™ll probably be joining you in the full-on Granny look, because we have to remain twins ๐Ÿ˜‚โค๏ธ. What always amazes me is when I see women sightseeing wearing heels. WHAT THEE FUCK? Itโ€™s bad enough that some women can get away with wearing flat sandals or flip flops, but HEELS?!!! And, donโ€™t even lie and tell me they are comfortable ๐Ÿ˜‚

      1. I can walk for hours in cute converse-style shoes, but they are never quite as comfy as my walking boots. These days I’ll often just take my walking boots on holiday. It’s not fashion, but I’m sooo comfy.
        Leggings under a skirt is what I normally wear hiking/travelling. It’s comfy, warm…and then if you get too hot, you can take off the leggings and walk with bare legs. ๐Ÿ˜€

        1. Youโ€™re SO lucky if you can walk for long distances in Converse! They KILL my feet.
          Thatโ€™s a genius idea! Iโ€™d so have chub rub if I did that, though ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜ฉ

          1. Bloody chub rub!
            Marc used to carry climbing chalk to fight it. It comes in a handy carry bag!

          2. Oooh! Great idea! My boyfriend used to have this stick that looked like deodorant and it was for runnerโ€™s rub and it worked alright ๐Ÿ˜‚

      2. They absolutely canNOT be comfortable. My only conclusion is that those women must be dead inside with no feelings whatsoever. Maybe this is our problem, Katie. We feeeeel too much haha.

  8. LOL I LOVE THIS!!! Yasssssss to the leggings!!!!! But I’ll admit to not being a scarf person because I already feel like my neck is too short and stubby and scarves make
    My face look soooo much rounder but yesssss to everything else! Those adidas are CUTTTTE girl!!! #winning!

  9. I’m only very slowly warming up to yoga pants outside the house, and I still can’t with leggings. Yes, even with the fun prints. Actually, especially with the fun prints.
    But.
    If you want to not feel like you’re wearing pants on a long flight… I did it in a skirt once and holy shit I could not believe how comfortable. (Of course, there were no stockings in that equation, which helped tremendously; traveling in hose or stockings is for people who are being paid to do so.)

    1. Iโ€™d LOVE to rock skirts, but I get a really unsightly rash when my skin rubs. Even if Iโ€™m not hot, Iโ€™ll sweat and the chub rub will be horrific ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ฉ

  10. I’m a man so fashion not the same concern for me, but I am all about comfort over appearance. I used to be a party DJ and I once booked a wedding reception and they told me I had to wear a tuxedo.
    A TUXEDO TO PLAY MUSIC.
    I showed up in one of those t-shirts with the print of a tuxedo on the front. There was no way I was going to sweat under the show lights for hours in a tux. That’s stupid.
    Even more important to be comfortable while traveling. Comfort and good foot support are essential. Totally with you.

  11. Funny. I was just admiring that photo of you in that super-cute outfit wearing those Converse. And thinking, “Ouch, those Converse are adorbs but her feet are gonna hurt like hell.” But then I read the piece, and found that you discovered this yourself. Go you! I love — and follow — all your advice. I do have another tip: track pants. If you want to switch it up a little from leggings, these work great. Comfy, and you can dress ’em up or down. I once wore a pair practically every day in Venice.

    1. Hehe!! I really only wear my Converse when Iโ€™m out and about around town. They are most definitely not for long haul walking events! ๐Ÿ˜œ Ooh! Like, Adidas-type track pants?

  12. Hey, I’m with ya! I’d have to Google those fancy designer brand names too. And, I LIVE in leggings. I mean, I’m getting dressed up when I put a pair of jeans on. Then, I CAN’T WAIT to get home to change out of those uncomfortable, starchy-feeling, unforgiving things. Love all your tips and words here, Katie! Another awesome post. ๐Ÿ™‚

  13. Leggings get the vote from me! Although I also love yoga pants that have pockets (not easy to find.) And I love to say Stretchy Pants (Ponts) all the time. As for shoes to walk in, Sketchers does it for me.

    1. I actually got a pair of Skechers, but Iโ€™ve been wearing the heck out of them and they are already a little too lived in ๐Ÿ˜‚. Stretchy PONTS ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  14. Thank you for speaking the TRUTH.
    It took me so long to figure out how not to be an idiot when packing for travel. I suffered needlessly for many many years.
    Oh hey! If you want to have this featured on girlswhotravel.org, it definitely belongs there too! ๐Ÿ™‚

  15. I’m with you on the leggings. I live in them!!!! And good walking shoes. Definitely comfort before fashion!!!

  16. I traveled Asia and Australia out of a backpack for a year. I found dresses to be ideal! They don’t require coordination with another item of clothing AND they take up less space in your bag. win-win!

    1. I travel 9 months a year and couldn’t agree more with dresses! Plus if you pack the right dresses they still fit well once you have hit that huge Sri Lankan buffet and gorged on amazing Indian food.

  17. FMC,
    Comfort always wins with me. Style is all well and good, for magazine covers. I ain’t got time for that!
    And that whole thing about going for high tea in a hoodie and jeans? Is why rappers really ARE living their best lives. They get to do stuff like this! Some peeps have all the luck

      1. Which is why I call you by your rapper name . . FMC.
        The next order on your agenda is to start a war with another blogger I’m okay with it being me if it gets you cred, yo.

          1. Hey yo! Step off!
            Okay, that was my weak ass start to this war. Dayum . . . I need to step up my game quick!

          2. I mean . . . it was a good start. You showed some promise. I would recommend watching “Straight Outta Compton” . . on a loop. Great flick, and so wonderfully old school.

  18. Leggings all day!!!! Comfy over looks all the time. But honestly if you feel like your clothes make u look like a noob then just add some color to your face and do your hair. A little shine to your face stands out more than clothes. What I mean is MAKEUP!!! Dress however you want, just add a bit shine to look all fancy โ€”that is what I do!

    1. Yassss, girl! Iโ€™m all about painting on a good look ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚. Iโ€™m also huge on my hair looking good. That does make all the difference โค๏ธ

  19. Okay, first I had no idea reading a fashion travel post could make me laugh so hard. Second, you are right comfort over fashion style is always the right choice. Living out of a suitcase 9 months a year I can tell you I have very little option but to pack what coordinates and works for most occasions. It also lets me focus on what is actually important-living my life with as much fun and adventure as possible.

    1. Iโ€™m so glad it made you laugh โ˜บ๏ธ. Thatโ€™s my intention 99% of the time ๐Ÿ˜œ. Itโ€™s SO true. Iโ€™m excited to have to worry so much about what I look like!! โค๏ธ

  20. This is the greatest post i have ever read.! You have got a really great sense of humour! i really loved this blog hope you make these types of in the future!! Fell free to check out my blogs too! MUch love!! <3 <3 <3 <3

  21. Ahaha, I love thissss so much. I needed a good laugh this morning to set the tone for the day. I could barely focus on the actual literature of this post! But I couldnโ€™t agree more, though yes, Iโ€™m that person whoโ€™s just like โ€œdoing the mostโ€ everywhere, I love a cute comfy outfit and constantly need inspiration for these!!

  22. TeeHee! Iโ€™m in your Aunties demographic ๐Ÿ˜‰ and thoroughly enjoyed this post. Decided to follow you for more relatable humour.
    โ€œComfortably Stylishโ€ is my travel mantra. 3/4-sleeve top & skirt with knee-length leggings, chiffon or silky vest/scarf, cute Dr Schollโ€™s flats (neutral, of course ๐Ÿ˜Š). Always a proper Summer hat with scarf (none of those ball caps) and! gloves. Yes, pretty gloves; hands stay cleaner, fewer cooties.

  23. Just came across your post, so funny! and realistic. Love leggings but never wear them outside the house, feel too nakey, but you do raise some interesting points haha!

  24. Haha loved this! I never thought about printed leggings for some reason but it totally ups your look so I will def be using that tip! Loved the little nacho libre reference aha!

  25. I love this! I see all of these amazingly planned outfits when I travel and all I think is, “How the hell did you pack that and ten others in a carry on?!”

  26. This is hilarious, i wish i actually applied some of these!!!!
    Well… i have had to carry some serious suitcases around the world… but at least I get to laugh at these because of how related i feel!!!!! WORTH IT

  27. Leggings are very flexible. It’s one of those that I can wear anywhere. I have a lot of it because I travel a lot and I want to save space in my luggage for other things.

  28. I so totally agree with everything you said!! Also had to learn the hard way that heels and backpacking are not a good combination

  29. Absolutely hilarious! Finally something relatable in regards to travel fashion! I always hope to god Iโ€™ll magically end up looking like that olive skinned goddess in a white cotton dress and a delicate sun hat in Greece but Iโ€™m mostly just translucent, awkward and not compatible with white.

  30. I need more leggings in my life and this blog post has convinced me of all the reasons to justify a leggings splurge to my husband! Also scarves are so versatile I never leave the house without one. Also those Adidas trainers look lush and perfect for walking!! Converse look so good but my god they hate feet right?!
    Rachael | https://rachaelstray.com

  31. Loving these tips! I could never live without a scarf. As well as keeping you warm or cool, they come in handy covering up those wine dribbles or food spillages!

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