I’ve seen other bloggers put together lists of things they hate (and love) and I always felt I needed to do a list because the hate is strong with this one. I’m finally getting around to writing down what makes my eye twitch.
Unreasonable ridiculousness, injustice, ineptness, and my own stupidity makes me feel white-hot hatred on the daily.
So, because hatred is so fun, I thought I’d share some of mine. Aren’t ya’ll so lucky?
Because it’s Fall Ya’ll and this is my most favorite season, my Basic B-ness is just bursting with PSL-flavored excitement, so I’ll also be putting together a list of things I positively love. So, haters, back off my hate list- there will be a love list so sickly sweet, you’ll beg to be brought back here.
So, why don’t we just get on with it, eh?
1. When the TP doesn’t come off cleanly
I don’t mean when the roll is done and you claw off shreds of useless toilet paper. I also don’t mean when your butt crack wants to keep some of the TP to form dingleberries.
No, I mean when you’re breaking off your chosen amount of squares and the last square doesn’t cleanly break away from the square you’re leaving for next time.
If this happens to me, I simply rip off the unruly pieces and add them to my already-way-too-big-that’s-definitely-clogging-the-toilet-wad. But, someone else who lives in my house who shall remain nameless, does not and I can’t even when I see the unruliness of our TP roll.
I know in the grand scheme of things, “unruly TP” rates pretty low as a problem, but for me IT’S A PROBLEM.
2. People who stand at crosswalks who aren’t planning on crossing any time soon
WHY ARE YOU STANDING THERE? WHY?
As a law-abiding citizen who realizes that walking on any city street in any corner of the world is equivalent to walking through a battlefield blind, I am always watching out for pedestrians. Because I’m actually concerned for their safety, I stop for them whenever necessary.
But, when I bring my car to a full stop for you at a crosswalk and you wave me on like I’m wasting your time, I get pretty eye-twitchy. Maybe stand LITERALLY ANYWHERE ELSE?
My favorite is when the person is surprised by my stopping and they guiltily glance over like oops-I’m-just-standing-here-picking-my-ass-don’t-mind-me.
If you’re just lurking, don’t lurk at the entrance to a crosswalk, mmmkay?
3. When my knees absolutely refuse to get with the program
When it’s Shaving Day, it’s a pretty big deal. I basically have to completely clear my schedule for the day to do a full-body job.
Shaving all of the areas that make me socially acceptable takes so long, I’m left with pruney fingers and an achey back.
So, it’s no surprise that after five hours of shaving, I’m a little angry when I emerge from the shower with knees that look like a bad combover. WHY U NO SHAVE, KNEES?
4. When someone recognizes me and I have not one clue who they are. Not one fucking iota
I hate this, because it’s the most awkward social interaction on the planet when someone recognizes someone who doesn’t recognize them back and vice versa.
The.worst.
This last happened to me just the other day when I was getting my car smogged. The guy asked me what high school I went to and when I told him, he said, “I knew you looked familiar!” Even after learning his name and wracking my brain for hours later, trying to place his face somewhere in my, obviously, blurred high school memories, I got nothin.
The weirdest and most awkward Recognizing was at an Auto Zone a couple of years ago. The girl working there recognized me from high school and even called me by name. She asked me about some guy we were both supposed to have known, let’s call him Bobby. She said, “Isn’t that crazy about Bobby? I really had no idea.” Because I felt like I had stepped into the Twilight Zone of High School Past, naturally, I responded with, “Well, I kind of had an idea…”
Before I could make it really good and awkward, I left with my wiper blades, wondering why people I swear I’ve never seen before in my life remember me so well.
I’ve decided it has to be the greasy bangs and poodle perm, as they were pretty hard to forget. It has to be something God-awful.
5. My Jekyll and Hyde head
I hate how when I leave my hair naturally wavy, one side of my head cooperates and, I shit you not, looks right out of a magazine article about how to achieve perfect, effortless beach-y waves. The other side, however, always looks like I just woke up from a long winter’s nap in my filthy bear cave that I’ve been too busy to clean, because I’ve been sleeping on one side of my head for six months.
I can’t have a full head of nice-looking hair ever.
6. Public bathroom noises
Using a public restroom is a terrifying enough occasional necessity already, so why do some people make it even worse for everyone? Why are you sighing? Stop. Just. No. Save your pleasure pee noises for the privacy of your own home. No one, ain’t no one, wants to hear anything from your stall. The shotgun fartsmake us all uncomfortable enough.
Go in, do your business-making no noise whatsoever, wash and leave-using your shirt sleeve to open the door like the rest of us. For shit.
7. That itch you can’t scratch
Absolutely the worst thing in the world is to get completely comfortable in bed only to have a hair blow over my skin which causes an intense seizure-like-freak-out-body-contortionist-act as I try to scratch an impossible-to-reach spot on my back. After trying to bend my arms in a totally inhuman way, my comfortable spot is gone and I question why bad things happen to good people.
Then, it happens over and over again and it’s exactly how I imagine Hell.
8. When people aren’t ready in the drive thru
Nothing fans my burning hanger flames more than people who take up far too much time deciding on their order in the drive thru.
“You’re such a bitch, Katie…”
Hear me out.
When there are 18 cars behind you and you’re asking the high school-age fast food worker, who doesn’t give two shits, if they prefer the Beefy Fritos Burrito over the Beefy Mini Quesadilla, you’re just being an asshole.
IFYOUHAVEMORETHANPRECISELYTWOQUESTIONSGOINSIDE.
9. People who drive just slow enough so that you don’t get through the light
Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing, Gladys. We all know your game. You’re not fooling anyone with your adorable white cotton candy hair and “World’s Greatest Grandma” license plate frame.
I know you go slow approaching the light and then quickly speed up so you’re the only one who makes it through on purpose.
Maybe it’s your way of sticking it to us youngins. Maybe your adorable elderly look is all a sham and you’re really Satan’s great aunt, sent to destroy us all, one road rage breakdown at a time.
She may look adorable, but her favorite hobby is going 10 miles under the speed limit on a two lane residential street, because she knows you can’t pass her.
10. Magically appearing chin hairs
Once a week (well, actually twice- you’ll see), I really go to town with my tweezers. I find that one really good plucking job will last *most* of the week.
Like clockwork, though, the day after Chin Day I’ll find 18 hairs that were, I SWEAR, not there the night before.
I am convinced that I am being paid back for something from a past life in the form of a chia pet for a chin.
This is literally me checking to make sure I got all of those sneaky bitches.
(Check out the link where I got the above gif. You can learn all about how to give yourself a French facial, not how to check for chin hair stragglers.)
*Bonus* 11. When I don’t realize I’m done with my food before I can fully appreciate my last bite
This has to be my most hated thing on this list. I had to include this, but I couldn’t have 11 things. That makes my OCD cringe.
Almost always, I take full inventory of my food and I know exactly how much I have to eat and how much longer I have to enjoy the act.
But, sometimes, the last bite sneaks up on me and I cannot fully prepare myself.
Friends, I can’t fully explain the pain and suffering this causes me. It’s such a sad, and agonizing occurrence that even my fat cries out in guttural wails that could wake the dead.
It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it usually ends with the boyfriend making a ten PM 7-11 run for some second-chance-Skittles. He’s got himself a winner.
This list makes me sound like a pretty hateful person, but in reality I’m only full of hate about 70% of the time. That’s not too bad. Not too bad at all.
What do you hate? Let me know in the comments and let’s keep the hate train going.
I love your blogs! Honestly, they cheer my entire day! That TP hate, YEP! I hate it too! Why can’t TP break where it should be!!! There’s little dots to follow, WHY WON’T YOU FOLLOW THE GOD DAMN DOTS!!! Yesterday I found out that I hate when people don’t use the end of sentence dot. I was translating for a company and their document didn’t have them! None, 1500 words and sentences and not even 1 dot! I hated myself for deleting them from my translation. Something that I also hate is when smokers just exhale all the smoke on your face while you walking behind or by their side. Somehow, they manage to just blow it towards you making you inhale all their second hand smoke! EWWWWWWW hate it!!! Last of the things that I hate (I think I have a 20 list aprox lol) but the last one I will write here is: People not putting things back where they were. If you go to ANY shop / supermarket / store, if you pick something up and after a walk around you don’t want it anymore, DON’T just leave it anywhere! Go back and place it where it should be! (I think people who worked in shops will know what I’m talking about lol!!) There you go, you are not the only one with 70% hate… I think I might go up to 80% but now that I don’t interact with people I feel like my hate has gone down to 40% hahahaha Keep up the amazing blogs!!! xx
LOL! I just love you, sister!! Your hate is my hate! I hate all of the things you just listed! How could they not have used one single period? That’s INSANE! Almost impressive, even 🤣😩😩😩
Very, very funny. And the TP one is great. Dingleberries, never heard of them but I can guess what they are. Grim 😂
Very, very grim 🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂🤣
The sound of people snapping and popping their gum, or chewing with their mouth open. I am usually a pretty chilled, laid back kind of person. But, that sound sends me to a whole new dimension of anger and rage. I have left a supermarket line, left a whole cart of groceries in the line because some mouth breathing freak was smacking their gum behind me. The hate is real, and I feel ya.
“…some mouth breathing freak was smacking their gum…” YOU ARE MY PEOPLE. I should have added mouth breathers to my list! GAHH! 😂😩😩😩😂😩
Basically any eating or drinking sounds drive me up a wall
Yessssss! That’s another item that should have been on this list!! I can’t stand smacking and the sound a throat makes when one is drinking. I can’t.
Ugh the throaty sounds are the worst 🤬
Me too.
Lols you have some great ones there! I’ll add “From 8-3 they are YOUR promblem.” Direct quote from a parent about a child’s behavior. Someday I’ll be richly awarded with my pension when I am 75 (so they say) and it will all be worth it 😉
OH, GIRL. If I could, this list would have been almost entirely dedicated to the BS I deal with because of my job. Alas, as teachers, we aren’t allowed to have a voice 😒🙄
Too true.
😞
OMG, the bathroom sigh. Yes, but why? That’s a big one for me, and when people ask you a question as they’re walking away–number 1 hate right there. Thanks for so much fun first thing in the morning!
Ooh! That one really burns my biscuits too! I have no idea why people feel the need to sigh in the bathroom! Gah!!!
Hehe!!! This was amazing!!
Glad you enjoyed, friend ☺️😜
TP – what can I say other than I am SO grateful we no longer have to use squares of torn newspaper that leave your hands and errrr other places covered in black ink. Or those shiny bits of toilet paper that came in packets and were no good for any.thing.at.all
Oh my goodness! I need a little more background history on this! Did you have to use newspaper once upon a time? And, what is this shiny TP you’re talking about? That could be quite fashionable in the bathroom 🤣
Geez, I must be old! When I was but a little girl back in the days of the cave man, lots of homes especially in the country did not have indoor loos. They had those horrid unflushable, stinky ones at the back of the yard. And if you had them in the towns, once a week a sewerage truck would come along, like a garbage collection, except they were collecting the buckets of excreta. The men – usually aspiring young footballers wanting to earn a bit of cash – would run with the overflowing buckets on their shoulders to empty them into the truck. Ewwwwww 🙁 Anyways, there was also not a lot of the fancy perforated toilet paper around. I guess it was too expensive and fancy for the ordinary folk. So what they did was tear up old news[papers into squares and shove them onto a nail on the wall next to the toilet bowl. You had reading and wiping material in one convenient hit. While you were doing your business you would also sit and rub the paper between your hands to soften it and make it more absorbent. Of course you ended up with ink black hands. Then we evolved to the era of the shiny, shop bought TP. Usually found in public loos, it could be bought in little boxes and you pulled a sheet out of it like a tissue. Single layer. Shiny so nothing stuck to it. Think plasticised tissue wrap and you’re getting close. There was no way in the world you could soften that stuff up. And it did not do the job. You could, if you were clever, fold a sharp crease in it and use it like a scraper. Dreadful stuff. I guess it was cheap. Fashionable? NO WAY! You would lose your friends if you served them that crap in the bathroom!!!
OMG!! I remember hearing stories from my mom’s travels in England in the 70s about how some people still had outhouses in their backyards! I can believe this! But, the toilet paper thing-sounds God-awful!!
My sister lived in the country and had one of those outdoor loos for years. I stopped using it at night after one visit when I saw a mouse stuck in the pot desperately trying to get out. The thought of sitting there raining down on a mouse was more than I could stomach. And there was no way I was going to try and rescue it! So I squatted outside…. And believe it or not, we came across one on our last roadtrip in the middle of nowhere. There was no plumbing within cooee, so no choice I guess. Had to use it, Proper toilet paper, and tank water for hand wash and a quick flush but the stench was beyond gross 🙁 It made me dry wretch….
Oh, my, yes. The smell of outhouses are horrid. We have one at our summer cabin and my uncle fashioned a custom fan that helps with the odor, but it’s still there, permeating the insides of your nostrils 🙀🤮
🙁
There is a special place in hell for people who don’t use their turn signal…
AGREED!!!!! Especially when you could turn for 10 minutes and the car approaching either doesn’t signal or does at the last possible second! Infuriating!
And because you were waiting that looooong time with no other cars around, as soon as they turn in a billion more cars come along and you are waiting again!
Of course! That’s exactly how it works and it’s INFURIATING!!
I can relate to most of this, but especially #10. Those f*ckers come out of nowhere and half the time I can feel them, but not see them. UGH
That is the absolute fucking worst-when you know they’re there but can’t see them to pluck them. And, you KNOW everyone you come in contact with can see them. I just need full face electrolysis 😂😐
Same 😂
Omg hairy knees!!!! The worst! I currently am sporting one Chewbacca knee and one bald knee! Apparently the razor only works on my left knee! WTH!!!
BUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Of course!! That’s how it always goes 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I wrote a whole blog post on the most bizarre things I’ve experienced in a public restroom, so I’m right there with you on the weird sights and sounds. Keep it to yo’self!
Oh shit! I’ll have to read that! I bet it’s hilarious 😂🙉🙉🙉
Ugh putting your hand into the bag to savour your last cheesy wotsit… Cheeto??? Only to find you have eaten it already or even worse – some sneaky bar steward has beaten you to it.
Ought to be grounds for divorce that! 🤬
THE WORST, I tell ya! You know, you just reminded me of something else I hate that should also be grounds for divorce-when your significant other eats the food you’ve been saving and daydreaming about all day. Boi bye 👋🏻😂
OMG! The chocolate stash snafflers. Utter, utter bastards!
Your secret stash of emergency chocolate- that even you don’t touch except in absolute emergency, you put your hand on it to find an empty wrapper.
White cold rage!
Yup. I think any murder done in this instance should be excused.
And here is another waking up an hour before ‘getting up time” bursting for the loo. You KNOW that’s you sunk, you can’t lie on or roll over for snoresville again, yet if you get up you are AWAKE and if you do drift off again you will be shattered when the alarm goes off.
Oh, man. That is the worst!!!
You are so funny! I can relate to the knee hair issue-so frustrating! And the chin hair too. I’m so tempted to get it waxed but I fear that it will just come back thicker and I’ll find myself going back to the salon to get it done every week and eventually the skin on my chin will become so irritated I’ll start breaking out and make things even worse! Guess I’ll stick to using my tweezers in the bathroom mirror every few days (yes, I am that hairy. I’m of German descent you know).
Aww! Thank you! Glad I’m not the only one 😜😜. I’ve thought about waxing too, but you have to wait until they’re good and long before they can be waxed, and that’s enough to just keep living the tweezer life for me 🤣🤣😬
1&2- Slow walkers in front of me. People are talking, laughing and walking as slow as possible And taking up the entire aisle/sidewalk! I have places to go, people! Can you at least get out of the way so I can pass?
3- No paragraphs or punctuation. I can’t stand run-on sentences where you don’t stop to take a breath or know where the thought ends do you know what I mean I was looking at the clouds last night and they are pretty.
4-Unwanted Advice. You know what you should try for your Migraines? Marijuana, Naps, Ice, Heat, etc..
5. Stupid Questions. I yawn, “Are you tired?”. I sneeze, ” Do you have a cold?”
6. People That Know Everything. ‘Disneyland is the #1 amusement park with the best rides!” “Have you been to all the others?” “No, but I know it’s the best!”
7. People that talk loudly on their cell phones in places like church,libraries, the mall,etc..
8.The boys in High School who chewed tobacco and drooled in cups. That stuff is disgusting and sounds bad, too.
9. People that ridicule me for my hair color, being Vegetarian, etc.. Jealous?
10. Trying to come up with a list of things I Hate. I try hard not to Hate much.
ALLLL of these things! Spot on!! Your hair rocks! I can’t believe people ridicule you about that!!
I had to think–but I finally came up with something I hate. When someone says, “You look tired.” Well, Brenda, I am, bitch. I am. And that was just your way of saying I look like I’ve been on a bender, so thanks.
YESSSSSSSS. And, furthermore, why do people feel the need to tell anyone they look tired? Their fake concern really grates on my nerves.
I know. You’re not trying to see if there’s anything you can do for me. You’re just pointing out that I wore sweatpants to the grocery store.
RIGHT?! Fucking Brenda…
The bathroom sounds are bad enough but what really drives me up the stall is when someone talks on their phone in the bathroom. It’s bad enough that the person they’re speaking to has to hear an echo but all of us being made to listen in a room where all sound is magnified just adds to the awfulness.
Also not recognizing people, although I manage to make it even worse by introducing myself to people I’ve already met and I feel compelled to pretend I’m actually my twin brother.
LOL. The twin brother thing 🤣🤣🤣. I think it’s so rude when people don’t introduce others in a social situation. I HATE that.
What I hate the most about someone using their phone in the bathroom is that they are using their phone in the bathroom. Do they even know how many germs they are transferring to their phone?! And, who are people comfortable with talking to while they do their business?! WHAT THE HELL?! 🙀
Stupid Gladys!
Numbers 1 and 8… totally with you. You crack me up every time!
Yeah, Gladys 🤣🙄. Hehe. Glad you enjoyed ☺️
I have TWO that come to mind immediately.
People who bite down on their forks and then pull it through their teeth while they are eating. That teeth against metal screeching sound goes right through my spine.
People who block the aisle in grocery stores. There is no reason you have to leave your cart right in the middle of the aisle while you try to remember what flavor of Pop-Tarts your kid likes. Put your cart to the side and then you can take as long as you want.
Oh! Ugh! Eek! *cringe* Sounds like that drive me insane! Also, the grocery store thing drives me nuts. A lot of time, the person in the way is elderly and then I feel like an ass for being so annoyed 😬
New fan reader here! The solution to the loo roll not tearing where it should is: take top layer of the two layers (there will be two layers) and pull it away and unwrap it one revolution. Bingo! The dots now match on both layers and it will tear cleanly. God bless my sister for teaching me this when I was already about 35; she had learnt it from a TV ‘science’ programme as a 6 year-old.
Hate No 1: Sisters who keep these secrets from you for most of your life.
Hate No 2: People (it would seem to usually be men) who think a toilet roll should be hung with the free sheet dangling BEHIND!!! Nope: just… no.
Welcome, welcome!! I’m so glad I’m not alone in seeming to always find out very basic life “duhs” at a ridiculous age. Why have I not learned these things?! 😂😂🤣.
LMAO 😀
Thank you. I now feel vindicated for my somewhat hysterical rant yesterday about the toast crumbs on the stick of butter. We all have things that bug us and if people would just DO SH*T RIGHT the world would be a better place. 😉
Oh, girl! Crumbs on the butter is totally a reasonable reason to do murder. Strangely, it makes my gag reflex react. I don’t know why, but crumbs on butter grosses me out so bad!!