I have at least three posts sitting in my drafts folder just waiting to be finished. My excuse for not having a polished piece this week is that I’m a teacher and it’s the last week of school.
I’m just feeling lucky that my brain hasn’t melted.
Yesterday was spent out in the sun all day for Field Day. I could barely even.
I silently mouth or say outright, “WTF?!” at least 20 times a day in response to a wide assortment of inconveniences, ridiculous happenstances, strange personal choices, and annoyances.
It’s basically my go-to response, because I’m a lady like that.
So, for this week’s installment of #WTFW, I am sharing some WTFs with you. Ready or not, here they come!
1. How is it that one minute I’m watching a video on how to make strawberry cheesecake macarons, and then, somehow, it’s three hours later and I’m in deep, searching through a rando’s Facebook pictures of their dog? Or, why is it I spend an ungodly amount of time scrolling the comment section of a video on how to fold a shirt? Why do I waste my time like this? I think I need therapy.
2. When, after walking precisely 20 miles round trip to the work room, staff lounge, admin’s office, back to the work room for the tape I forgot, and back to my classroom, I realize my Fitbit is still charging on my computer. None of those steps counted. Might as well just go home and go to bed. The day is a wash. FML.
3. When one second I am peacefully, albeit horribly, singing to my latest favorite tune in the car, and the next, I am screaming obscenities, that would make a sailor blush, at the idiot who is driving 30 miles an hour on the FUCKING FREEWAY.
Check out this video on YouTube:
source
This is 1,000% me.
4. Sometimes I start my makeup on the opposite side of my face that I always start with, and I wonder if I’ve somehow entered a parallel universe. Or, I worry I’m losing my mind, because what kind of routine-driven person does that kind of thing?
5. Sometimes (always) I ask my boyfriend really ridiculous, inane questions that, most likely, make him question his undying love for me and are, 100%, why he has more gray hairs and some new wrinkles. I’ve personally aged the poor man. Some examples would be:
“Did you wash your hands?”
“Do you think it’s safe to eat this salami I left in my bag all day?”
“Did you lock the doors (for the 8,563rd time)?”
“Can you smell my breath from over there?”
“Do you think anyone at Panda Express will notice I’m not wearing a bra?”
“What do you think it means when someone’s pee is green? Asking for a friend.”
And, his absolute favorite: “Can you hold my purse while I use the restroom?”
I don’t know why I’m crazy, I just am.
6. When I buy my Friday Treat Donut at Starbucks (for $2, might I add) and there are freaking free donuts in the staff lounge. Fatty don’t play. WTF!
7. This:
So, tell me: What makes you go “WTF”? I need some humor to get me through this last week, people!
The salami one… that got me.
😂👍
My sister is a teacher, too, and this is her last week. She called me last night and let out a thirty minute tirade of expletives. I don’t know how you guys do it. And, same on the traffic. Fucking hell, DRIVE PEOPLE!!!!!
OMG I FEEL HER!!! The last week is brutal, because our leverage-Field Day has passed, so there isn’t much that can be taken away as a consequence. They know it too! I just try to keep the peace all week 😭😂
I try to stay out of heavy traffic these days. Being on a limited income, money for bail is a luxury.
Haha! Yikes! Yeah, probably a good idea 👍👍😜
By god, that’s a fantastic point. Noted.
Ooo that singing dude is so me too!!! And number 4 freaks me out! Like I’ve done that before and it messes up my day lol. I double think everything! I always do my mascara before brushing my teeth (so it dries before I put my glasses back on) and once I even brushed my teeth and left my house with no makeup on because it was out of order for me! INSANITY!
Great post, friend! You always bring the giggles
LOL!! I really thought I’d be alone on the makeup one! I see I’m not 😂😂👍
Most definitely not! Haha
#5 LOL dying. The rate at which my boyfriend’s hairline recedes seems to temporarily spike after every roadtrip we take, every time I go with him to Home Depot (not my fault that I’m naturally curious and there are like 759 different types of nails there), and each time I insist that there’s something wrong with my car and then he get into that damn engine to look.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! The questions make him insane!!! The “759 different types of nails”!!! 😂😂😂
Ugh girl I feel your pain on those last week of school vibes. You can do it!! I finished last Friday. 🙏🏽 But who in their right mind tells the kids a week before school is done that grades are already finalized?! I got an email from a student a few days before we finished, “So this will be my grade FOREVER??” 😑🙄
Oh no!! I tell my students they get grades up until the last day 😂😂! “Will this be my grade forever?” OH HONEY 😂😂👍
When I am so excited that I actually made a meal with a main, a side and a veg, got my kid to the table, and we’re eating dinner “like a family does”, but then I glance at the clock and see that it’s gone 9pm, and now I have to rush the kid to eat, brush his teeth and get his jammies on and get to bed. I WTF about my “parenting” on the regular.
Awww! At least you’re eating together!! I’m sure I’d WTF all day long if I were a parent!
I have this one hairstyle that I’ve worn at least once or twice a week for YEARS, and last week I suddenly became unable to create it. I have no idea why. It’s just a sloppy bun on the top of my head, but suddenly my hands don’t understand which way to twist to make it work. I can do the exact same thing on the back of my head, but not on top. WTF?
I’ve seriously had that happen before!! Or, I’ll be curling my hair and suddenly curling it in the wrong direction! WTF? I think us women have so many things on our mind, that we just can’t anymore with simple tasks 😂😭😭😭😭
Oh, and the singing and screaming at people while driving? I combine the 2 acts into 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07TR_HyzbGQ
YES 😂😂😂😂😂😂👍👍👍
Oh those bastard little bags! I know what you mean. I can’t cope with bin bags either. I am sure they are designed to make me look like a fool.
Right?! I’m convinced it’s a damn conspiracy to make me look stupid!!!
The starlings that live outside my house (FIVE nests now) get in the window and shit on the bed. WTF
Moral: cats.
Love cats. That is another tragic tale for another day. Let us just say: pinemartin.
OMG!! No! That’s definitely a HUGE WTF!!!
I know. I love looking at all the birds but now I think Hitchcock is laughing at my naivety.
LOL!!! You’re having your own personal The Birds situation!!
Bas***ds😄 sorry for the expletive but I haven’t time for their Berry filled excrement! !
Expletive-away, darling! I totally get it!
Oh my gosh I love your blog! Your post had me in tears. I can so relate to a lot of these things!! I hope you have a great end of the school year! I am new to the blogging world. I hope you take the time to stop by my page
Hey there! I’m so glad you’ve liked what you’ve stumbled across! The blogging world is fantastic-welcome! I’ll definitely check your blog out ☺️👍
I hear you on #2 , if I leave my fitbit on the charger and even get off the couch, I’m pissed that it’s not being counted. What makes me say WTF….. do we have time for that kind of list……. Okay here’s one it’s after 8:30 east coast time and this asshole is driving down the highway at a 100 mph with NO Headlights……Wicked Idiot.
EVERY.STEP.COUNTS. I HATE drivers like that!! Like, are they trying to cause an accident? 😡
I’m drinking rum again tonight so I disavow all typos up front.
First off, I have DOZENS of unfinished drafts sitting in five blogs’ worth of folders right now and my excuse is that I have achieved a zen-like, zero fucks given level of Nobody’s Paying Me For This. Learn from me, grasshopper.
1. I can go from tornado videos to cleaning hacks with vinegar to Find the Panda to Dateline murder mysteries in the course of twenty minutes. You Tube, you whore.
2. Fit-Bite-Me is the devil. Clean your house, instead. Really. If vacuuming makes you sweat, it counts.
3. Just looking at the frozen screen of that video made me say “Motherfucker!” under my breath to my own computer screen. I did not click on it, too risky.
4. 5. 6. Ignoring these as I neither wear enough make up, have enough boyfriends (less than one at the moment), or frequent enough Starbucks (try never) to justify a witty response.
7. Okay, this I can help with. I have a hack. You hold your fingertips really close to your mouth and blow on them from the back of your throat like you’re testing for bad breath or something. The moisture supplies just enough tackiness to your fingers to pry that goddamnedfuckingtissuepapervegetablecondombag open enough to slip your cucumber in.
Uncomfortable? My work here is done. (sips rum)
You didn’t click on the video??? I love the visual of you super satisfyingly sipping your drink after typing this!! Nice one 😂👌
Yup, and I super satisfyingly downed two industrial strength coffees this morning to treat last night’s party.
HAHA. You’re a beast 💪👌
#6 happens to me ALL THE TIME! Except it’s me eating my breakfast just to get to work and there’s a four-course spread a client has brought 😑
(I never say no to free food, no matter how full I am)
See, that’s EXACTLY my problem! I can’t say no to free food either!! Really, it’s the right thing to do. No one likes a waste-a-roo!
When the security guard in my building that I’ve lived in for over a year asks to see my building access card even though the night before I brought him down some leftover pizza.
OMG!! LOL! That’s probably annoying as all hell!!
On the plastic bags – get your fingertips wet on the produce-washer thing. Then you can rub (or blow) and the bag will open. I promise.
I will have to try getting my fingers wet next time!!! I’ve recently noticed that this difficulty only occurs at some stores. At Winco, I have not one problem!
The funny thing is that it’s likely all the bags are made by the same vendor. 🙂 Maybe Winco is more…moist? lol
Actually, the bags seem to be thicker plastic that’s just easier to manipulate! “Moist” 😱😱😱😱