Merry Christmas, Ya Filthy Animals: A Christmas Tag

So, Milkshakes and Dumpy can’t act right, so we don’t have any content for you this week (we are the worst). We are hoping to be back next week with a holiday-themed shit storm for your reading pleasure.

Until then, enjoy this Christmas Tag post I got from Cherie on her blog From Michigan to Germany . I hear tell she got the idea from Debbie over at Deb’s World.

What is your favourite Christmas film?  Love Actually, hands down. I have to watch it every single year while I’m wrapping presents and drinking egg nog or it’s just NOT CHRISTMAS AND WE CAN’T HAVE THAT ALRIGHT.

Have you ever had a white Christmas?

In Reno-Town, where I live, it could be a whiteout on Christmas morning or it could be sunny and 50 damn degrees. I, 100%, prefer a white Christmas. We don’t get enough snow, so when we get any I get stoked as hell. So, yes, three inches is a lot to us. In case anyone needed to know, you know.

Where do you usually spend your Holiday?

Up until just a couple years ago, I was still spending Christmas Eve at my parents’, who live a whopping 10 minutes away. Along with my spending the night, we still participated in all of our favorite Christmas traditions- reading our favorite Christmas books, leaving milk and cookies out for Santa, hanging the stockings, etc. (no, I’m not shitting you).

Now, we have our big Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve (because on Christmas Day, we are too present-ed out to cook), hang our stockings, and read our books (no more leaving out cookies, because Santa will just get into the cookie tins, anyway). We are 78, 68, 35, and 30 and we still sit around the fire to read The Night Before Christmas. Only now, my dad has to be bribed with fudge to participate, and he pretend farts and cracks inappropriate jokes throughout. My brother acts like it’s too stupid, but we still end up fighting about who will get to read first.

Then, because I’m totally an adult, I go home to sleep, then drive back over at 7 AM to see what Santa brought me.

The happiest mother-effing elf this side of The North Pole!

What is your favourite Christmas song?

Ya’ll are gonna kill me, but I LURVE Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas is You. Sorry not even sorry.

Do you open any presents on Christmas Eve? 

Since I can remember, the girls (me, my mom, aunt, various girlfriends or wives of my cousins and Uncle Gary-because at Christmas, he’s one of the gals and Grandma- when she was with us) have exchanged “Christmas Eve” gifts. They are supposed to be Christmas-themed and/or homemade and not excessive. Over the years, we have just used it as an excuse to go balls to the wall insane with gifts. Besides opening my stocking, it’s one of my millions of Christmas favs.

Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer?

I really should be able to being a Christmas-obsessed 3rd grade teacher. So, we have Rudolph, Comet, Vixen, Blitzen (that’s one isn’t it?), Buddy (no, wait- that’s an elf)…That’s all I got! I can’t name them all, ya’ll!

What holiday traditions are you looking forward to the most this year?  Making cookies with my mom- that end up being eaten almost entirely by us- has become a favorite tradition. Cookies for daaaaaaays (or, maybe not a lot of days since we eat them all the day we make them).

Is your Christmas tree real or fake?

I’m probably going to jinx the fuck out of myself, but I’ve had the same fake tree since 2004. I’ve had to add a couple strings of lights over the years, but it’s still mostly kicking. When I was a kid we always had a real tree, but it was almost half brown by Christmas Day every year. My mom was tired of the fire hazard and having a dead tree in all of our pictures, while my dad was tired of pretending to water it, so when I was in middle school, we got our first fake tree.

What is your all-time favourite holiday food/sweet treat?

I’m straight addicted to my mom’s Muddy Buddies. We called it dog food when we were kids (Shit, maybe it was called Puppy Chow. Yeah, that sounds more appetizing). I also love the Scottish shortbread my mom and I make. It gives me warm fuzzies and a bit of heartburn- if I’m being honest- because one or ten never seem to be enough.

I know it says sweet treat, but my mouth is already watering thinking of the Christmas prime rib and Yorkshire pudding we have on Christmas Eve.

Be honest:  Do you like giving gifts or receiving gifts better?

Who doesn’t love getting gifts? But, I do love the giving part of Christmas. My mom always says I’d be ecstatic with an old shoe, because I’m just so in love with every gift I get. But, if I find something really amazingly perfect for someone, it’s *almost* better than receiving. This year, the gift I found for the dude could be the most epic gift I’ve ever given him, but I could also be way off and it’ll be a total dud. I think it’s the not knowing that’s so exciting?

What is the best Christmas gift you have ever received?

Until a puppy pops out of a box on Christmas morning, it’ll forever and always be my Barbie Dream House.

Literally the one I had. My mom is going to be really sad knowing had she not “maybe gave it to Goodwill”, I could have paid her everything I owe her and then some…

What would be your dream place to visit for the Holiday season?

I’ve always wanted to go somewhere that’s well and truly cold and snowy. Or, to the cottage and village where Kate Winslet’s character lived in The Holiday.

#englishcottagegoals

Are you a pro present wrapper? Or do you fail miserably?

I mean, I hate to brag, but I’m kind of amazing. Wrapping presents is in the top three of my favorite things about Christmas. I always hope I get a fellow lady when we do Secret Santa at work (But, if I get a dude, I just put it back and redraw, anyway. Shh- don’t tell), because the way I put their gifts together is even more fun than shopping for said presents and women actually notice if it’s nicely wrapped*.

Most memorable holiday moment?

It was Christmas ’94, and I was an idiotic eleven-year-old. I had been given toe socks for the first time.

They were all the rage. I was really excited to stuff my fat piggies into their own warm, snuggly sleeping bag.

While some of the adults were talking after a gluttonous family meal, I was working intently at getting all of my toes into their own toe hole. My big toe was in, then the next three went in seamlessly. As I went to get my littlest piggy (and when I say little, I mean little. I possibly have the shortest human toes on planet Earth), it was gone. All of my toes appeared to have their own hole, yet my pinky toe was gone and it’s toe condom (what else does one call an individual toe cover?) was still limp.

Without thinking, I yelled, “OMG. My pinky toe is gone!”

Everyone froze, their 8th piece of after-dinner-fudge, mid air.

My mom just said, “Oh, honey.”

My dad said, “I knew those would confuse her, Judy.”

My Uncle Gary just laughed and laughed and laughed.

It turns out my pinky toe got stuffed in with its neighbor and 24 years later, even after numerous strokes and some pretty debilitating health issues, my uncle still asks about my missing toe as he laughs and laughs and laughs.

Sexy toe socks ain’t working, hunty…

What made you realize the truth about Santa?  ARE YOU SAYING SANTA ISN’T REAL?

Do you make New Year’s resolutions?  Do you stick to them?

Ain’t nobody got time for that business.

What do you wish for for Christmas this year?

Health, happiness, and the ability to eat myself silly without gaining any weight. I mean, a Christmas miracle *could* happen. You never know.

What makes the Holidays special for you?

My mom. Christmas is so special to me because of the magic she created and then let blossom in our hearts. I’m a huge Christmas freak and it’s 100% due to her. My Scrooge of a boyfriend is forever grateful to her that I have Rocking Around the Christmas Tree on repeat all season long.

Favourite Christmas smell

Mrs. Meyer’s Iowa Pine dish soap and spray cleaner smells like the real thing. I’d spray the cleaner on me as perfume if I didn’t already obsessively spray it on every single surface in my house. I GOTTA MAKE IT LAST THE SEASON.

Also, the way every single one of my mom’s Christmas decorations smell. It’s a smell I can’t explain-a mix of winter berry, peppermint, cranberry, pine, and pure Santa magic.

Honorable mention goes to Bath & Body Works Spiced Gingerbread Swirl. I smell like a cookie all day and I’m not mad about it.

What is the worst/weirdest gift you have ever received?

See above. You could give me your old athletes foot-riddled tennis shoes and I’d be honored you thought of me.

Favourite Holiday drink? ERG NERG (Yeah, I’m bringing that back.)

Oh, and I’m positively obsessed with White Peppermint Mochas from the ‘Bux.

Have you ever spent Christmas in another country?  No, I WISH. But, really, would it be Christmas if we didn’t do every single thing the same, down to the order in which we do stockings, presents from Santa, and all of the other gifts, and how we always eat the same breakfast casserole on the same Christmas plates from 1992? No, I don’t think it’d truly be Christmas somewhere else.

What place/landmark in your town do you love to visit during Christmas? I live in Reno. There isn’t exactly landmarks all done up in gorgeous Christmas decor or expansive Christmas markets full of vendors and delicious treats round these parts. So, does the local Target count for this? They always have their store done up all in red. It’s quite festive.

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Were you naughty or nice this year? 

I feel like I need to know in what context this question is being asked. I was really nice when it came to holding doors for the elderly or giving to charities. If you’re asking about my spending, exercise or food habits, I’ll need an exact definition of what you mean by ‘naughty’ and ‘nice’. For example, I think it’s really nice that I ate my boyfriend’s chocolate pie, because two days before I ate his (and mine), he had commented on his pants feeling a bit snug. That was a really kind act, despite what he might say.

Do you own/wear a Christmas themed jumper or T-Shirt?

So, funny story. I used to own an especially hideous one. I loved it for the five hours I owned it. In our old place, we had this massive, ancient industrial-looking heating element on the ceiling in our bathroom. My dude had to be careful not to have it on when he was standing, as it was literally just exposed heating coils and he was almost gifted with spontaneous male pattern baldness on more than one occasion.

So, the year we found our hideous Christmas sweaters at a local thrift store, I immediately washed mine and then hung it up to dry. My boyfriend thought it’d be smart and time-saving to hang it on the heating element.

Well, it’s just lucky we didn’t burn down our apartment building, because my sweater very quickly became a maroon reindeer and evergreen snowflake wool S’more.

RIP Exact Sweater My Third Grade Teacher Wore in ’91.

*This is a really sexist generalization, as my Uncle Gary loved to make his presents look amazing. He’s the only living man I know who enjoyed that kind of thing, though. So…

Why don’t you play along? I’d love to read how Christmas is special to you. If you don’t celebrate Christmas, write about a holiday you celebrate that’s special to you.


Just a little heads up, my dudes: I’m taking a very short, two week hiatus. Besides the McMilkshake and Dumpy post we are planning on for next week, the blog front will be a little quiet. It turns out I’ve done and signed up for too much this holiday season yet again.

So, (after the diet shit show post next week) the next time I’ll *see* you is after the happiest day of the year. Merriest of Holidays to all and to all a good couple weeks!

Have Yourself A Manic Little Christmas

Anyone else feeling the holiday hassle yet?
No?
Just me?
Don’t get me wrong, I love me some Christmas. I mean, you could argue that I love the holidays even more than Clark Griswold.
But.
I stood in line at the post office yesterday for 30 minutes, while the one person working was in no real hurry and that really chapped my ass and put me in the opposite of a holiday mood.
It didn’t even matter that Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas Is You was playing, because all I want for Christmas is another person manning the counter.
I’m also hating that my usually quiet Target has been invaded by, what has to be, Closet People, because where else have they been all year?
Amazon Prime, people. You won’t ever have to leave your house again.
Another thing, the boyfriend and I are going to a fancy shmancy Christmas party at the Governor’s Mansion. Said boyfriend has expressly told me leggings are not a clothing option.
So, I have to wear, like, a real formal dress.
I have one from years ago, but I’ve been putting off trying it on, because I don’t even want to know how much fatter I’ve gotten.
Speaking of being fat, do you know how fucking hard it is to eat well when cookies are practically raining from the fucking sky and you can get egg nog-everything?
Not only are the crowds annoying and the over-abundance of treats gut-expanding, the pressures to have the absolute best holiday yet is EXHAUSTING.
Not only do I overbook myself with social engagements, I seem to always feel the need to add just one more fun craft project/event to the long list of holiday must-dos.
When will I ever learn that the best experiences happen when I have zero expectations and almost next to no plan?
Never. Never is when I’ll learn.
So, what are you stressing about this holiday season? How do you combat the manic-like need to do all the Christmas things?

Oh, the stress.

Some Teaching Truths

In honor of Back to School, I decided to drop some fun teaching truth bombs (Also, I’m swamped this week and list posts are the easiest #sorrynotsorry). Even if you’re not a teacher, you’ll likely relate. If your job is high stress, but also high reward, you’ll for sure relate. Because I really should be labeling all the things instead of writing a blog post, let’s just begin:
1. Unless you’re crazily devoted to a fitness plan or you have a superhero’s will and control, you will eat every carb in your house after a bad day. 
2. Forget about the college “Freshmen Fifteen”. There’s such as a thing as the “Teacher Twenty”. Or, sometimes, the “Educator Eighty”. Also, this can happen during year one or year ten. 
3. You will eat your weight in mini-size chocolate candy. Sometimes in one day. 

#goals

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4. If the day after Valentine’s/Christmas/Easter clearance candy has been cleaned out, you can thank a teacher. 
5. You will get fat. So fat.
6. If food isn’t your happy place (congratulations on not being “pregnant” every year), you will drink copious amounts of wine and at some point in your career, consider rehab, but only the facilities that are more like spas and only because it would be the best sanity-saving vacation ever. 
7. If it comes down to toilet paper or a shiny new pack of Expo markers at the end of the month, markers win-hands down. 

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8. You save straws, bits of fabric, tissue boxes, and one 3 inch piece of string, because it all just may come in handy at some point. 
9. They never come in handy. 
10. Your teacher cabinet/closet/cupboard is a portal to Narnia or another dimension, because it’s where all of your supplies go to never be found again. 
I Googled “messy teacher cabinet” and this popped up. Two things: 1. Ya’ll lyin’ and 2. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Maybe someday I’ll be brave and share my Closet o’ Shame.

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11. No matter how poor you are, you always find a way to buy $80 worth of crap from the Target Dollar Spot. 
12. No matter how frustrating your students can be sometimes, you’re fiercely protective of them when they’re criticized by another teacher who doesn’t know them as well as you. 
13. Your students are your family. Your tribe. You love them. Every year, your heart opens up to allow for 20 more spaces. 
14. You crop dust. It’s only fair. 
15. If you weren’t an emotional person or crier before becoming an educator, you can kiss your shyness/pride goodbye. 
16. You will cry over everything.
17. You will have to kindly remind your students that, “Maybe someone needs to go to the restroom” after toxic waste lunch bombs are dropped all afternoon. 
18. If your student’s book order money is short, you pay what they’re missing without a second thought. 
19. You only go to the bathroom during the day once a week, but during that exact time, admin will walk in. It’s basically a scientific fact. 
20. Your teacher look is such a work of art that an eyebrow raise, lip purse, and nose wrinkle can mean 875 different things and no matter the day, the kid, or the teacher friend, the message is always received loud and clear. 
Trainer at inservice day says, “Pick a partner”-Teacher Bestie and I look at each other like…

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Tell me, who was your favorite teacher and why? Or, make me laugh and tell me an hilarious school or teacher story. 

Monday Musings: What Are Your Blog Reading Requirements? 

I was just talking with a friend about the purpose of reading blogs. She’s a devoted reader of mine and, apparently, I’m the only blogger she reads. She was saying that unless she’s friends with or related to the blog writer, she’s probably not going to spend her time reading their personal stories. I can totally respect that some people have to know the blogger/writer to want to read about their embarrassing encounter with the Porta Potty or their personal preference when it comes to stand mixers. 
I totally get that. 
I’m pretty much the opposite of my friend when it comes to online reading preferences. 
I love reading about someone’s awesome vacation to some exotic locale or reading about how they make a mean enchilada casserole with a recipe they got from their crazy Aunt Marge. 
Maybe that’s totally weird? 
Maybe I’m entirely too interested in complete strangers’ fun family stories or how they studied abroad in Ireland (read about one of my favorite blogger’s experiences doing just that here)?
Whatever it may be, I can definitively say that I’m a devoted blog reader, and I appreciate my committed readers more than words can express.
Throughout the last two years and some odd months, I’ve connected with, gotten to know, and enjoyed reading so many bloggers. 
I love you all. I truly do. We are a tribe, and I’m so fortunate to be a part of it.
Just like my friend, however, I have some requirements that must be met in order for me to spend so much of my time reading blogs. 
These are some of them:
1. You’re a real person who responds to comments and engages with your readers. If you never respond to comments, or it takes you far too long to respond, and I’ve long since forgotten about your post, I will grow weary of dedicating time to read and comment. 
2. Posts are well-written and purposeful. We all make grammatical errors (like that one time I made a massive one in the title of a post *cringe*), but if the mistakes take away from the message, this teacher can’t even. 
3. The topic is one in which I can relate to in some way, shape, or form. This is a pretty straightforward one. If you write about something I can hardly come up with a comment for, then your topic is best left to those who can. There’s nothing wrong with that. I write about back fat, rogue chin hairs, and how I have a tendency to inhale baked goods. Those topics aren’t for everyone, either. 
And, that’s it, really. If you respond to comments I spend time crafting, you don’t have grammatical errors every line, and your posts keep me wanting more, I’m hooked. 
So, I’m curious-what are your blog reading preferences and requirements? Let me know in the comments. 

WTF Wednesdays: Travel Tag Edition

The lovely An Historian About Town nominated me for the travel tag. I was so excited to be nominated, because I love to travel and I love An Historian. Not only are her posts well-written, interesting, and positively filled with gorgeous photos of beautiful places and things, the girl behind it all is just fabulous. Go check out her blog-you’ll love it!
Now, without further ado, my responses to some fun travel-themed questions:
What is your favorite place that you have visited?
Hands down, the U.K. and Ireland. My trip was seven freaking years ago, but I still think about it everyday, and I have tried to get back to the U.K. on several different occasions.

Is it possible to look any more touristy?
My ancestor-Lady Godiva’s statue was dwarfed by a Primark. I felt equal parts let down and excited. I really wanted to buy a pair of £8 jean shorts.
 
I also loved NYC and have always dreamed of living it up a la every.single.chick.flick in all creation, as a Big Apple girl.
(All of my NYC pics are stored away on my external hard drive. Sad face.)
Large cities, with tons of energy and culture, are definitely my favorite places to visit, but I loved being in the middle of nowhere, amidst rolling green hills in England. I also adored driving through the otherworldly terrain of the Scottish Highlands, and even though the road to Dingle, Ireland is crap-your-pants scary, the beauty of the Dingle Peninsula is unmatched.
I feel like there should be an “I Survived the Road to Dingle” badge.
Somewhere between Inverness and Edinburgh

If you could visit anywhere tomorrow where would you go?

100% the U.K.! But, I mean, if someone wanted to take me to Japan or Italy or Brazil, I’d not argue one bit. *spastic winking*

Would you rather go on a city holiday or a beach holiday?

I’m such a city girl-the energy, the eclectic culture, the myriad languages, the food, the history… Also, I’m not a huge fan of sunburnt fat that turns into one big, ugly rash, because too much of my skin was exposed and rubbing together. Give me chilly weather, layered clothing, a coffee, and a walking trip around an historic city ANY DAY.
Buuuut, I won’t say ‘no’ to a beach holiday!

Just embrace the sand in your crotch and the sunburned everything!
Alcohol helps!

My top three travel essentials are: 

  • Obviously, my phone/camera is my number one travel must have. The best souvenirs I’ve ever gotten on a trip are the insane amount of pictures of every noteworthy (and, not so noteworthy-I have been known to photograph a random bench or ugly pigeon, because it’s a foreign bench and a foreign pigeon) sight and experience.
  • Hand sanitizer, wet wipes, and a travel-size hand soap are essential. I’ve never traveled somewhere exotic enough to encounter squatty potties or lack of running water, but you just never know what kind of facilities or amenities a restroom will have. Also, the very first hostel I ever stayed at did not provide hand soap or even paper towels. You just never know what horrors you’ll encounter. You.never.know.
  • A versatile scarf and a pair of Wayfarers. I know these sound like lame “essentials”, but when I’m feeling ugly as hell on the 6th day of crap hair, because my flat iron refuses to work with the expensive adapter I bought, a scarf makes me feel a little more put together.


Can you even tell my hair is greasy and I’m wearing zero makeup? See what I mean? 
Are you an over packer or an under packer?
Literally, I used to bring three full suitcases for a weekend trip back home when I lived in Elko. The pressure that exists when you have to decide what you want to wear before the day(s) in question is just too much. I can’t even. Also, sometimes my favorite piece of clothing looks hideous on me for various reasons. You just never know.
Before the trip I took to the U.K., I obsessively researched light packing tips and practiced packing the one bag I took. It was a real trial, and it took a huge leap of faith to know I’d survive if I wore the same jeans two days in a row.

So, I lied. I took three bags…

What is your favorite thing about going on vacations?

When I’m on vacation, I feel whole. It’s an indescribable feeling of just being. When you’re on vacation, you get to live a life that would exist if daily stressors, like bills and other lame adult responsibilities didn’t exist.

Edinburgh
Edinburgh, my love!
I also love completely immersing myself in the culture and the history of wherever I am. There’s nothing more humbling than standing in a church built before your own country even existed.
Said church-St. Margaret’s Chapel

Would you rather go on vacation with family or friends?

Yeesh.
Either choice has its share of positives and negatives. Traveling with family means that there’s a pretty good chance your mom might pay for some of the travel expenses. There’s also a fairly good chance she might forget you’re a grown adult and remind you to thank “the nice travel guide”. Or, she might feel the need to chastise you about your frivolous waste of money on name brand deodorant.
Traveling with friends has its benefits in that your friends are usually more in tune with your level of fun. That might mean an adventurous competition to see how many museums at the Smithsonian you can visit in one day.

This was the day after our Smithsonian challenge. Someone had a museum hangover #8thgradeugly. 
Or, maybe, that means buying every kind of foreign candy in the convenience store and then going back to your hotel room to see who can get diabetes first.

Diabetes!
When you travel with your friends, there’s also the potential for a complete WWIII, nuclear fallout, because after being together 24/7 you can’t stand the way they chew their food or breathe.

Whether traveling with a friend or family member, just drink. Their mouth breathing won’t matter near as much. 
Either way, memories are made and that’s all that matters. Right?
What is the most adventurous dish you have ever tried from another country?
Abso-freaking-lutely that would be haggis with ‘neeps and ‘tatties that my friend and her Scottish husband made for us while we stayed with them in Edinburgh.
It was actually amazingly delicious. No shit, I crave that dish on the regular.

My amazing Scottish friends! 
I’d like to nominate the following bloggers (please don’t feel obligated to participate):
The Wandering Flamingo
This girl is an amazing photographer, writer and blogger friend. She also lives in my favorite country, so I always feel I get to live vicariously through her photos and posts. Also, she is an avid traveler, so I’d love to know more about her envy-worthy travels. Please go check out her blog and beautiful photography-you won’t be disappointed!
A Walk and a Lark
Here’s another blogger bud who lives in one of my favorite cities-London! She’s become an amazing blogging supporter and friend, and I simply adore reading her blog! She is well-traveled, so I’d love the inside scoop on some of her favorite places! Check out Josy’s blog! I promise you’ll love it and her!
All Thoughts Work
This chick cracks me up. Every time I get a comment from her, I know I’ll end up practically peeing myself from laughter. I’ve gleaned that she’s an avid outdoors-woman and talented writer, but that’s all I know. I need to know more! Head on over to the funny lady’s blog-you won’t regret it!

Quit Judging Me, Fitbit

Damn, Fitbit. Why you gotta play me like that? Between Friday and Saturday, I logged 33,806 steps, walked 14.91 miles, was active for 258 minutes, and I have a blister on my toe in the shape of Owen Wilson’s nose, yet my Fitbit is still harping on me today to get my steps in? What’s that you say? You mean, I have to move everyday? I should log 10,000 steps everyday? You mean…I’m not done?
*blank stare*
So, in order to do this thing called, “fitness”, and to be successful at said fitness, I have to do it everyday?
Never mind. I’ll just be returning this here Fitbit, if you don’t mind.
*Rustles in cabinet looking for Crack Cup*
Only half kidding. In all seriousness guys, 10,000 steps a day for someone whose favorite pastime is savoring rainbow sprinkles with a dollop of Cool Whip while watching past episodes of Biggest Loser on Hulu is asking a lot.
My grand weekend of getting in some killer steps was thanks to a quick trip over the hill to San Francisco. Not like, a marathon or anything (obviously, that was your first guess). 
If you have ever been to San Francisco, you know transportation in the city is either: a horror-themed roller coaster-like driving experience, with hobos popping out when you least expect it and you’re honked at for not mowing down pedestrians or it’s a serious walking nightmare experience. I chose walking, and damn those bunions hurt (just kidding, I don’t have bunions. I don’t even know what they are, but I bet they’d be hurting if I had them).
So, I guess my grand walking adventure in San Francisco where my thighs almost ignited due to rubbage did not, in fact, make me instantly fit and svelte. 
Oh, the pain and suffering! 
 

One of my favorite cities, the City by the Bay.

 
How you doin?
 
Getting my steps in by crossing The Golden Gate Bridge.

 
Garlic with pasta from The Stinking Rose. Amazing.
 
  
A view of the city from Alcatraz.

 
So.much.rain.
 
 
Clam chowder in a bread bowl from Boudin’s.
 
Pure effing Heaven. Funfetti. Cake batter. Rainbow sprinkles.
 
 
Walking up Lombard Street almost did me in. I had to stop every other house to catch my breath. Seriously.
  
My how-come-I’m-not-skinny-yet-face.
 
My rant about my demanding, asshole Fitbit turned into some pictures from the trip. You’re welcome. 
  

Just a Freaking Ray of Sunshine-An Award

  
I was nominated by the always fabulous Carrots in My Carryon to participate in the Sunshine Blog Award. I love talking about myself. Just being honest. Conveniently, I’m also super creepy-curious about others, so asking really pointed, possibly embarrassing, questions is my forte! Yay! Here we go! 
The Rules:

  • Thank the person who nominated you in a blog post
  • Answer the 11 questions set by the person who nominated you
  • Nominate 11 blogs to receive the award, and write them 11 new questions

  
1. Describe to me, in detail, your favorite pizza.  (Bonus points if you can make it sound sultry.)
My ideal pizza has a nice solid, substantial crust. Not too thin, not too thick. The color has to be right too. Not too pale, not too dark. Just right-in-the-middle firmness. My ideal crust has to satisfy me as it’s the foundation for the rest of the pizza relationship. Next, it’s all about the sauce. Weak, thin sauce is unacceptable. I want a zesty, robust, wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am experience. Knock my socks off with that ish. The toppings don’t really matter to me. As long as the base is solid, everything else just comes together. 
2.  Congratulations!  You just won a boat.  What do you name her?
I happen to already know that boats are usually named for women, but not my boat. I would name my boat ‘The Gary’. Gary is my uncle and he was always our captain on my grandma’s boat. Every summer. Forever. I think boats, I think Captain Uncle Gary. It’s just how it is. 
3.  INTRUDER ALERT!  Someone’s breaking into your house!  What do you grab to fend him off? 
What do I grab? I’m already out the window, running down the street. Oh.Hell.No. 
4.  What is your least favorite household chore?
CLEANING THE TOILET. It’s germy. There are usually stray pubes adorning the bowl or they’re fastened to the under seat. There are tiny toilet paper poop balls littered behind the seat. People defecate inside it and I have to clean it. Toilet cleaning is, quite possibly, the worst thing to ever happen to anyone. Hands down. Anything that has poop in, around, or on it is NOT my favorite.
5.  A stranger hands you $100 and one condition:  you have to spend it on something COMPLETELY frivolous, or a puppy dies.  What do you spend it on?
Oh girl, what do I NOT spend it on? I master in the art of frivolity. Shoes. Cute shoes that hurt my feet. Every single product in any Bath & Body Works at any time. A Michael Kors purse. A day of pampering at a spa. Eyelash extensions. Full body hair removal. Oh. Wait. It’s only $100. I was totally spending $100,000…
6.  Say something spiritual about doing laundry.
It’s the bane of existence. Is that spiritual? 
7.  What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten (on purpose?)
Haggis with “neeps and tatties”!
8.  What’s the oldest thing in your fridge right now?
A moldy lemon. It’s grown around and become one with the top rack. It looks comfortable. I don’t want to disturb it. 
9.  Describe your sleeping space. 
I MUST have a fan on at all times. For the sound, and for the constant air in my face. It’s up there with my face shaver as my most important possession. My bed has precisely 12 pillows for two people. I have a down feather pillow top mattress and a down feather comforter. My sleep is all that matters, so it has to be top-notch. 
10. Thrill rides:  Yes or no, and why or why not?
Um no. If you can guarantee I won’t die or feel sick afterwards, I’d consider it. I’m zero fun. 
11. What’s your favorite joke?
Me trying to give up cake-like consistency baked goods. It just ain’t gonna happen. 
My nominees are…

  1. Cat in the Cactus
  2. Kimboxin
  3. A Wandering Memory
  4. Karlaland
  5. Island Smile
  6. Babysteps22
  7. atalossforwordz
  8. lifeofmon
  9. afunnythinghappened
  10. A Couple Talks
  11. sfarnell

Heeheehaha. Now for MY questions…
1. If you could have one superpower what would it be, and why? 
2. Describe your ideal Friday night. 
3. What is the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to you? 
4. Describe your High School experience in 4 words. 
5. What is in your bag/pocket right now? 
6. Biggest fashion mistake? 
7. If you could go back and relive one experience, what would it be?
8. Most embarrassing song in your ITunes? 
9. You have a year, unlimited resources, support, and 1 million dollars. How would you fix our world’s problems? 
10. Your favorite movie and why?
11. What’s the worst part about getting older? 
I went easy on ya’ll. I totally could have gotten creepy! These are easy, so join in on the fun!