“Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.” Except, you’re not talking to your dog, but your thighs, and instead of a magical land, you’ve arrived in some kind of fresh hell. Yes, yes. These are your 30s.
Continue reading “What Fresh Hell Is This?”
Tag: truths
10 Truths Learned After Today
1. It is possible to eat a yogurt cup, a Cranberry Bliss Bar from Starbucks, a bagel with cream cheese, a couple pieces of fruit, and a mini cinnamon roll before 9:00 AM.
2. After a hearty, diverse breakfast, it is possible to be ravenously hungry an hour later.
3. When you forget to shave your legs, for a month, the sharp-as-tack hair will poke through your leggings. And it will be noticeable.
4. Subsequently, said overgrown leg hair will stick out the bottom of your leggings. And, your students will give you worried/questioning/confused looks all day. Do they think I’m a man now??
5. 3rd graders are very literal. If you ask them if they can turn their day around after some poor decisions, and you ask again, with emphasis, “Can you turn around?”, they will literally turn around. The point was lost.
6. When you decide to be healthy, for once, and eat a salad for lunch, you will take so long to eat it, you forget to check your teeth. As thanks, there will be a piece of lettuce between every.single.tooth.
7. Your boss will come in after lunch. Because you have to be extra smiley to your principal, they will observe your tooth adornments, but you won’t discover that until you go to the bathroom. 2 hours later.
8. When you play a KIDS Just Dance video on YouTube, for a brain break, the ad that plays before the video will be about Vagisil.
9. 8-year-olds struggle with explaining their thinking in writing, forget something you said two seconds ago, and don’t remember you’ve been learning about multiplication for a month, but they can draw a very accurate portrait of you. Complete with chin hairs and zits in precisely the right location on your face.
10. Salad can and will give you noxious gas.
I didn’t ask, I DIDN’T ASK.
