Tag: teacher humor

The Horror

 

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I haven’t worn a bra for roughly 90% of the last 3 weeks. 
I’ve been able to use the restroom whenever the need presented itself.
I haven’t taken my yoga pants off for precisely 21 days. 
I have zero paper cuts. 
I’ve had no real reason to drink, other than, well…
I’ve only answered one question: “Would you like to apply for a Target RedCard?” 
I don’t even know what the date is. 
You can imagine my horror when, as I came up for air from my cereal bowl, I had discovered 3 glorious weeks of no school had passed by in a flash.  
Well, I suppose I better unearth myself from my snack-laden, alcohol-induced hibernation, because it’s back to school I go. 
Also, I better figure out what day it is, practice writing the new year, and open up my lesson plan book, because I have a student teacher starting with me tomorrow. We don’t want to show her the ugly side just yet. 
Here’s to all my fellow educators out there, drinking away their sorrows tonight over winter break being over. 
Good luck, and may God be with you tomorrow. 
  

Teacher Humor

After my, quite, heated teacher post, I thought I would lighten it up with some awesome teacher humor. These legit had me LOL’ing. If you don’t laugh, you’ll cry.

copier
Seriously. SERIOUSLY.

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when-a-student-borrows-something-off-my-desk
My stapler. Don’t.touch.my.stapler.

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gladiator
How can you be talking during my, extremely interesting, impassioned, discussion about the inequality of social class structure in ancient Rome. THIS SHOULD INTEREST YOU.

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michael scott
I almost spit my coffee all over my desk and my observation write-up over this. OMG.

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sitting at my desk
Every.damn.time. I SERIOUSLY only sit down at my desk for a millisecond a day, but admin chooses to walk in at that time. Of fucking course.

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the look
My face almost all day, errrday.

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hey girl
Every quarter…

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assembly
True life.

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Check out my humor board on Pinterest. When I am having a craptastic day, I will revisit how funny I am on Pinterest (har har).
Funniest Pinterest Board In All Thee Land

Teacher Breath

Today I was reminded why I never wanted to be that teacher who nurses their coffee all day. COFFEE BREATH STANKS. 
I distinctly remember every single teacher who would lean over me, praising my hard work, with their breath from burning garbage hell. I always wondered how they couldn’t tell their breath was peeling varnish off the desk tops, but I could? If I can smell your breath from a foot away, how can you not smell that God-awful air coming out directly under your nose? How??
Stank Breath Unawareness (SBU) is a very real phenomenon, and 99% of the cases involve teachers. It’s true. 
Today, I was pulling students to the kidney table to assess their phonics knowledge. Every time they got a letter sound or vowel pattern wrong, I would say it correctly for them and then ask them to say the sound with me. 
After overly emphasizing the ‘aw’ vowel pattern for *Sally, she had a very pained look on her face. My first thought when this look appears on my students’ faces is always, “Oh no! He/she is gonna blow chunks!”. Then my knee-jerk reaction is to recoil quickly while trying to play it cool, like, “I’m good-you’re good-it’s-all-good-I’m-not-at-all-terrified-of-bodily-fluids-not-at-all-I’m-just-gonna-stand-over-here”.
As I’m assessing the situation, I become distinctly aware that Sally is basically mirroring me. Exactly. She’s doing the exact same thing as me. She has a pained, grossed-out look on her face that’s she’s trying to disguise with a super-fake-it’s-all-good smile. What? Is it me??? What the hell…
Yeah. I have teacher breath. 
Getting keys to your classroom, or welcoming your students on the first day of school is not when you first become a teacher. You become a teacher the day you disgust a student with your coffee breath. It’s only true.